Today's Action

~Today has been a pretty slow day. I love Monday mornings at work because we have a staff meeting which gets you going and ready for the week. This afternoon, however, went as slow as it possibly could. H and I will be going to Wally World (Wal-Mart) tonight. We need to pick up some groceries. There are things that I want to pick up in order to have healthy foods around the house for me to eat while I’m doing this Weight Watcher thing (WW).

In regards to working out, I think I’m going to start that next week. I need to stop by the Rec Center and pay $20 for a punch card for 26 classes. I also want to see if they can assign me a locker where I can bring a lock and not have to worry about someone going through my things. I know that this will probably be available for a small charge, but I think it’s worth it so I’m not worrying about my purse, wallet, or keys the whole time I’m there. On Wednesday (H’s payday), I will also pay for H to have a year to work out at the Rec Center as well, so I thought I’d do all my stuff there that day, too.

Tomorrow, I’m going to get my allergy shots during lunch. Those are always a lot of fun. They stick me three times with all the wonderful things I’m allergic to in order to build up my resistance to those bad boys. I’ll itch for about an hour afterwards in the locations of the shots (on my arms), then I’ll be fine. Not too big a price to pay in order to be able to breathe pretty freely for a week.

After work tomorrow, I’ll be going to my first Weight Watcher meeting (WWM). I’m looking forward to it. I want to see how this one goes. Next week, I’ll go to the meeting on Thursday night. I will then choose between the two to see which I like better and that will become my meeting with the other night becoming my yoga night. I’m excited. I can get all this figured out so I can start working out 3 nights a week pretty much from the start. Next week, I’m going to do the Monday/Wednesday low impact aerobics and skip the yoga until I know which day I’ll be going. I’m also pretty sure that I’m going to be tired and sore the first week doing the aerobics, so it’ll give me a week to get used to that exercise before I start the yoga.

Exercising is my downfall. I hate it. I can’t seem to work it into my schedule. I’m always tired after work and don’t want to do anything but go home and crash. The Rec Center will be much better for me and I know it. I just want to keep it up because I really want to lose this weight.
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Food:
1 whole wheat mini-bagel (2 points)
2 tacos (9 points)
48 pretzel sticks (2 points)
1 packet of pears (2 points)
1 pork chop (9 points)
1 can sliced beets (0 points)
1 fat free yogurt (2 pts)

Beverages:
6 glasses of water (they only say to have 6 – woohoo)
2 cans diet soda

Finally, a Break

~Ok, so, we've finally slowed down this weekend. Actually, H is still in bed and it's 9am. We played WoW (World of Warcraft) last night (not a shocker - we play this game EVERY night). I quit around 10 and went to bed. I have no idea what time he finally quit and came to bed. I was out cold. I feel productive already this morning. I've had a cup of coffee, emptied the dishwasher, filled the dishwasher, and am running a load as I type. :-) I love technology. I remember growing up without a dishwasher (actually, my mom had a dishwasher...it.was.ME.). I hated it.

I got my nails done yesterday. My nail lady changed salons. I'm not sure I like this move very much. It's a little difficult to get to her place (just a very busy road where parking is only on the street). People drive by like maniacs instead of thinking anyone would possibly want to leave their parking space (even though parking is only allowed in one or two hour increments depending on the spot). Now that she's moved, her regulars (which I am one - been going to her for 2 years now) have decided to make standing appointments on Saturdays (they go every two weeks). I don't. I go every two or three weeks (depending on when H's payday falls). Now, the only way I can get my nails done is to get there at 8:30a.m. (on a Saturday?! - come on, I had a hard enough time getting to her for a 9a.m. appointment) or wait until 11 or 2. Since we spend Saturdays with K, I took the damn 8:30 for my next 3 appointments. If I don't like that, I'm switching to the 11 if no one has taken it yet. I tried a new color on my nails yesterday. It's a bright coral. I'm used to a rosey color, so catching this color in the corner of my eye is kind of a shock. I don't know how long this color will be showing. I may have to cover it with another color. It seems all the colors I own are in the pink/rose family. I never thought of myself as a pink, girly girl type. I guess I'm growing into it.

K was cute yesterday. He wanted me to dance with him. So we danced (which is just shaking our butts and stomping our feet). Hilarious. He followed me around on his tricycle. So cute. He even followed me into the bathroom. His dad said he hadn't gone all day. The kid waits until I have to go? He asked if I was going in the other stall. I said that I'll go later. He said, "Later" and laughed. Little punk. :-) Once he left, I went in the stall. The little bugger came back. I told him to get out of here. He said, "Get out of here" and laughed, but he did leave. Cutie. He helped his grandparents clean the shelves in their restaurant.....he put everything on the floor. God, I love that kid! How can you not? I can't. He's a sweetie. I can only imagine what NN/N is gonna be like, and the two of them together? Watch Out!

I'm excited. Today we're going to watch our college girls play basketball. They're ranked. They're doing fantastic. I can't wait to see them play.

Mandy, I haven't heard from you lately. Is everything okay? I noticed your hubby has taken over your blog lately (not that I mind the shoes). :-) I'v ejust been concerned about you. I know I haven't been posting as regularly as I'd like, and I'm sorry. I'll try to do better. My post from Friday was actually written at work. I tweeked it a bit after work for the blog before I posted it. I may have to do that more often to get my posts in each day.

I've really missed blogging on a regular basis. I've just been so tired and worn out by the time I get home. I've been going to bed between 8 and 9:30 each night. That NEVER happens. I'm usually such a night person. I will be posting more regularly. I promise.
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I joined Weight Watchers Friday. I'm going to my first meeting Tuesday. I have free access to the rec center on campus (thanks to my job). They have low impact aerobics every Monday and Wednesday starting 30 minutes after I get off work (PERFECT!). I'm planning on going to both classes. Each class lasts an hour. I'm gonna die, I just know it. I am starting this food counting thing tomorrow. I just changed my mind...I'll start counting points today to see where I'm starting from (eating what I normally would). I'd like to see that it'll make a difference right off the bat. I was on this program years ago through a work meeting. I lost 15 pounds. Those pounds have since found me again. :-( I will be going to meetings on either Tuesday or Thursday nights. I'm not sure which yet. This week I'm going to try the Tuesday class and the following week I'm going to try the Thursday class. I want to see which class I like better (they have different leaders and the people in each class will be different). I want to find a class I will feel comfortable in but will also feel inspired and motivated in. When I find the right class for me, I will be taking Yoga on the other night. That will give me 3 hours of exercise each week. I can't believe I'm even going to attempt this, but I know it will make all the difference and get me moving in the right direction. It will also be good for me to do right after work. I think it will help me relax sooner when I get home.

My biggest motivation right now seems to be a picture I have sitting on my desk at work (which is why that picture is sitting there - I'm NOT stupid). That picture has been there only this week, but it has motivated me to 1) get fed up with where I currently am and 2) take needed steps in order to lose weight. The picture was taken 10 years ago, a few months after H and I met. I was wearing a size 8/9. I was 28 years old. There's no reason I can't get back down to that size. I was well out of high school and I looked great. My weight (as I've said in earlier posts) was a defense mechanism for me. I got way too much attention at a lower weight and I didn't know how to handle it (I was extremely sheltered growing up and I was unprepared). It's now ten years later, and I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of giving others control over the way I feel about my body (just thought you'd want to know). These are my reasons. I also want to be able to play with K and NN/N as much as possible without being winded or tired. I want to be a good example for them and I want to be around to see them grown with children of their own.

With the foods I eat each day (and will post here), I will no longer be putting down the calorie count. I will start writing down the points value for the foods and the exercise points I've achieved. I'm allowed 25 points per day with an additional 35 points I can also use each week (but no carrying to the next week). The fewer of the 35 I use, the more weight I will lose. Also, the more exercise points I've achieved, the more weight I'll lose if I don't consume food in it's place (which is acceptable). They have another plan (called the core plan) where you eat core foods without counting points. I need the structure of the points, but others don't. It's very interesting.

My exercise goal for this week is 12 points (that's 4 points per class at moderate exercise level). Meaning I'll start to sweat after 10 minutes. I have a feeling I may sweat before then. If I start to sweat between 3-5 minutes, it's considered high intensity and I earn more points. :-) I'll just have to wait and see what these classes are considered once I get started. I have a feeling the aerobics will be high while the yoga will either be low or moderate. Whichever way it is, I think 12 points is a good place to at least put my goal and then see how it goes. Wish me luck.

Sorry it's been a while

So...work has been busy and I haven't had a chance to write lately, so here it is...

This week hasn’t been too bad. According to my scales this morning, I lost one pound this week. I haven’t been doing exercise above and beyond what walking I do around the house or at work between the buildings. I also haven’t been keeping a strict list of what I’ve been eating this week, but I have the general idea for you.

For breakfast each morning, I had a mini whole wheat bagel (120)

For lunch, I have gotten fast food each day for my main course:
3 pieces of chicken at Long John Silvers
1 beef chalupa supreme and 1 taco supreme
1 6” turkey/ham sub from Subway on Italian Herb and Cheese Bread
Yesterday, we went to lunch for a birthday. I got fish and chips (first fries I’ve had in months and they were great, but I only had a handful. I also had 1 slice of bread (no butter) and about 10 chips with spinach/artichoke dip

For dinner, I’ve made dinner each day except Tuesday (we went to Chinese buffet where I had mostly seafood). The other days, I had about 4 ounces of meat with either 1 cup of Jasmine rice or (as in last night) 1 cup mashed potatoes.

I have had a few snacks during the day:
Pretzel sticks (1 snack bag per day)
Rice Krispy treat (1 per day)
My 2-3 pieces of Hershey Nuggets (a day)
100 calorie Hershey snacks (1-3 per day) J
¼ cup almonds
*I haven’t eaten all of these every day (I usually have one or two from the list each day), but these are the snacks I have been enjoying.

I have had at least 51 ounces of water each day and a few diet sodas each day as well.

I am thinking about joining Weight Watchers. I would have joined Wednesday, but I couldn’t find the location. It’s only $30 to join and $12 per visit and you only pay when you actually go to a meeting. I’m going during lunch today to find it. I also have free access to the University’s Recreational Center. They have aerobic and yoga classes for $1 each. I may start going to these. The aerobics are Monday and Wednesday from 5-6 and the Yoga classes are Tuesday and Thursday from 5-6. Weight Watchers has a meeting on Tuesdays at 5, so I may just do the yoga thing on Thursdays. That will give me 3 hours of exercise per week – good God! That’s a lot. H wants to join as well. It will cost us for him to join, but it will be good for him and he will get reimbursed through work, so we’re waiting for his next paycheck to sign him up. There is a Tang Soo Do class (like Taekwan Do) I think we will enjoy taking together. It is on Saturdays from 10-11:30 and they cost $1 I think.

I have been getting extremely fed up with my weight this week. I have a picture on my desk at work of me and H when we first met and it is helping to motivate me to lose the weight I want to lose. It was just 10 years ago, so I know there’s no reason I can’t get back to that again.

Playing Catch Up

~ Well, it's Sunday, and this feels like a good day to catch up on what I should have written during the week, but didn't. First of all, the job is fantastic! I absolutely love it. Right now is the slow time in this office..which is fine. I would rather start when it's slow so I can get my bearings that start off on a run and feel like I'm lost all the time. With that being said, normally when I'm in a job and it's slow, the day just drags by and each day feels like a week. That is not the case in this job. Friday afternoon after 3:00 was the only time where time seemed to drag. Not too shabby since I leave at 4:30.

I work for the state at one of the universities - my alma mater. It's great. I work in the alumni relations office. As an alumn, I can't beat that. What's crazy is that I have learned more about this college this past week than I did the whole 3 years and 3 months I went as a student. I guess because I was a "non-traditional" student, I wasn't really interested in joining any groups. I was more interested in getting my degree and getting on with my life at home with my family. Now I will be involved in a lot of the alumni events and sporting events and H said he would do those with me. I don't expect him to do every sporting event or even every alumni event (even though he is alumni too) but I think this is a great opportunity for both of us.

As a staff member, I can take one grad or under-grad class free each semester and H can take one under-grad class at a 50% discount. That is so sweet. I also have free access to the recreation center and he gets a discount (found that it is the same price for alumn, so we aren't saving on his use, but we are on mine). I get 50% off the price of sporting events, excluding football - I only get 40% for that (but I am stocked about it) and I get a 20% discount at the bookstore on campus and the one off campus. You can't beat that.

Wait, there's more. As a state employee, I can camp at any of the state parks for a 50% discount. When those parks have their off season, I get 50% off their cabins and rooms. Not too shabby.

Can you tell that I'm excited about my new job? The only down side is that I may have to work evenings and some Saturdays, but I get comp time for anything over 37.5 hours in a week. Up to 40 hours is straight time 1 hour for 1 hour worked. For anything over 40, I get 1.5 hours for every 1 hour worked. I'm even okay with that and having to work over. As a matter of fact, I had to work yesterday morning.

I am so unused to waking up at 6 in the morning that I have been extremely tired all week. Last night, I went to bed at 8 just so I can catch up on lost zzzz's. I feel so much better this morning. I was too tired to even eat dinner last night. I was just beat.

On another note, we saw K yesterday. He wanted to go putt-putt (I've always called this miniature golf). We had a blast. He is so fun to watch. We don't keep score and at the end, he shoots all the balls into the final hole. It was great.

We went to the biggest mall in that area once we were done. I needed to find new shoes. I bought a pair on Monday before I started work, but they killed my feet. They were a pair of boots that fit well in the store, but by Monday morning, I guess my feet swelled a bit. The boots rubbed a raw spot all around my ankle and I could hardly walk by the end of the day. I found a pair yesterday that do not have any material around the heal. They look really dressy. I don't know shoe style names, but these are cute and comfortable. They are Vinnie by Hush Puppies. As I was trying on shoes, K was next to me. If I moved my foot a certain way, he did the same thing. It was hilarious. If I made a noise, he made the noise. If I made a face, he made a face. God, I love that kid. When H and I fell behind, he would turn around and tell us to "come on". He wanted me to follow the same path he took. It was a great day.
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Food:
1 blueberry scone
1 cup lad na (I know I spelled that wrong, but I don't know how to spell that - it's thick rice noodles, with veggies, chicken, and a brown sauce)
4 eggrolls
3 pretzels from Pretzel Annies (the small pieces not the big pretzels)

Beverages:
30 oz water
15 oz diet soda
half a medium diet coke (with ice)

Exercise:
walked the mall
played putt-putt
toured a building on campus

oops. Will do better next week

Sorry I haven’t been writing each day. I did remember to weigh this morning. I lost 2 pounds. Woohoo!

From what I remember this week…

Thursday
Food:
Less than ¼ cup almonds (less than 140)
5 chicken selects from McDonald’s
1 bag popcorn (approx. 270)
2 Hershey nuggets

Beverages:
1 medium diet coke (with ice)
1 can diet coke
34 oz water

Exercise:
Walking between buildings at work and around office

Wednesday
Food:
1 small whole wheat bagel (120)
2 pieces Long John Silver’s Chicken
2 Hushpuppies (also from LJS)
1 pork chop
1 cup rice
2 Hershey Nuggets
1 Hershey (100 calorie snack)

Beverages:
1 med Dr. Pepper (with ice)
51 oz water

Exercise:
Walking between buildings at work and around office

That’s what I remember from this week. I’ll try to keep better records this next week.

I'm sorry...I still love you

~I haven't gone anywhere...well, except work. Wow! Lots to write...no time...no energy (ok, I have some energy - just tired of looking at the computer).

Work is going extremely well. I am loving it and really enjoying the people I work with. Since starting on Tuesday, I have already gotten their office supplies organized (they had everything thrown in a bottom kitchen cabinet with no rhyme or reason. You had to get down on your knees in order to see what was in the closet - one of the ladies is pregnant - we can't have that), cleaned and organized the front desk which took looking through lots of pieces of paper in lots of folders to acquaint myself with what's going on (we decided to archive all of this so I could just start my desk fresh when things come up and so I can organize it the way I want to), and I archived the items in the desk. Pretty productive for 3 days worth of work.

I'm sorry I haven't written a lot about the job. It's a government job, and I am unsure what I can say (I've heard of one blogger getting fired because she wrote about her co-workers in her blog and I don't want that to happen to me). The benefits are GREAT! I can see myself working here until retirement. I absolutely love working with these people. Even slow days (when there isn't much to do) go by fast. You can't beat that.
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I have not been keeping a log of what I've been eating. I've been in too much of a rush to even remember what I've eaten 3 hours ago. The good thing about work is that I don't think to snack during the day. I have been eating 3 meals and drinking water. I've also been walking more because we have an office next door that belongs to us as well and I have mail and other things to take over during the day.

Sadly, I have eaten fast food for lunch the past two days. I am going to rectify that starting tonight by making my lunches the night before otherwise, it won't get done. I'm finding that I'm having a hard time getting up at 5:45 every morning. I wonder why? I've only been out of work for 5 months and didn't have a time I had to get up (usually though, I made sure I was out of bed before 10:00). :-) With this all in mind, it is better that I do the most things the night before instead of relying on them getting done in the morning. I have also taken to getting in the shower after I come home from work each night (started that today as well) so I can sleep just a little bit longer each morning.

Today's Escapades

Work went extremely well. I was a bit surprised. Even though I didn’t have much to do while they set me up, the time went by very quickly. I haven’t been exercising at all, but I’ve been sort of watching what I eat. I’m so tired right now, I couldn’t tell you what I ate yesterday – I don’t remember. Today, I have had:

Food:
1 whole wheat bagel (270)
2 Teaspoons whipped cream cheese (100? I’d have to look, but don’t want to get up at the moment, that number seems high from when I wrote it before and I actually used less today)
1 ham sandwich (2 pieces of bread – 200 cals, 2 small slices of ham, mustard)
1 cup Irish Potato Soup
½ California sandwich (turkey, swiss cheese, alfalfa sprouts, 1 teaspoon guacamole, 1 teaspoon mayo on a croissant)
2 pieces Hershey dark nuggets with Almonds (100 – getting ready to eat these now)
1 rice crispy treat (160)

Beverages:
51 oz water
16 oz diet coke with ice

Exercise:
Not a damn thing – did do more walking than I have the past few months, so that’s good, isn’t it?

No title today

~ So, I've noticed (and it's been pointed out - thank-you. Sometimes I don't see the things that are right in front of my face) that I've been eating out too often. That is very true and part of the reason is because I wasn't getting enough calories in the day. Starting today, I will not be eating out. I’ve got stuff from the grocery store to bag my lunches and snacks for work (which starts tomorrow). I’m also going to try to get up early and work out before my shower each morning (that’s going to be the hardest for me because I tend to sleep in until the last possible moment). I’m also going to work out when I get home after work. That would give me two workouts daily (or one if I don’t get up early in the morning).
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FOOD:
1 piece pizza
2 pieces cheesy bread
1 cup grits
½ cup hashbrown casserole
3 pieces bacon
1 biscuit
1 piece cornbread
2 eggs with cheese
3 pieces Hershey’s Dark nuggets w/almonds

BEVERAGES:
2 16-oz diet coke w/ice
24-oz water
1 LARGE cup coffee

EXERCISE:
A lot of good intentions, but not much of anything else.

In Answer to Recent Comments

To SymplyAmused and Manda Girl in regards to "my phone call":
Thanks so much for the congratulations. I'm looking forward to Tuesday. It's at the local University, so it's government work. I'm extremely excited about it. I know that I will have to work later than 4:30 on a few days and will also need to work events that happen on Saturdays occassionally. I can live with that. I'm not given overtime for those hours, but I do earn comp time for them. :-)

To Radioactive Jam in regards to "look at what I just did":
I am really looking forward to the traveling journal. It seems like it would be fun to find a good spot to take a picture of that silly monkey. Thanks for letting my readers know that there may/may not be any slots left. At least if they're thinking about it, it lets them know that they need to sign up ASAP.

Manda Girl in regards to "It's Official":
I also don't know what I can do to motivate myself this time around. I do know that my getting a job is going to help because I'll be walking to different buildings on campus (and get winded as I go, I'm sure) and just walking around the office is better than sitting on my butt all day on the sofa.
Parents never cease to amaze me. I'm just hoping with this new job that I'll still be able to be a part of ABLES.

Tasha in regards to "At least I've finally learned to relax":
It's good to know that there are others out there like me. That doesn't make me feel like such a dork. :-)

Yesterday's News

~ We went and saw K and the family. We found out that K's mom had a death in her family. Her dad died and they found out about it around 5 yesterday morning. She and the new NN/N are fine. She is such a strong person. I was int he delivery room with her when she had K, and I couldn't tell she was even in pain. She made no noise and didn't really make any faces either. Her dad lived in Laos, so she won't be able to go home right now, but they're all thankful that he was able to see and meet K after he was born. In their culture, they believe that when one person dies, and another is currently pregnant (within that family), that the spirit of the one that passed will be passed into the new child so they are always with us.

On a happier note, I dance with K yesterday. He is such a funny, cute, and sweet little boy. He still doesn't like it when we pay attention to N, but it isn't taking him as long to be okay with it now like it was at the beginning. I can't wait to see how he does when his brother or sister arrive. You know everyone's going to fawn all over that little kid. We need to make it a point to keep K close and feel just as loved as ever. I think having this little girl in the house is helping him to adjust and get used to not being the ONLY center of attention.
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Yesterday wasn’t too bad, but not necessarily good either.

Food:
Chik-fil-a sandwich
1 small coleslaw
2 pieces Dominoes pepperoni hand-tossed pizza
4 pieces Dominoes cheesy bread
2 small pieces pork
¾ cups sticky rice

Beverages:
12 oz Dr. Pepper
24 oz diet coke

Exercise:
Normal steps with a little more walking because we went to the in-laws

I stepped on the scale this morning and I’ve gained 2 pounds. I think I’m gonna stick to stepping on the scales Friday morning and no other day.

My intake yesterday

Food:
Big bowl of Vanilla Crème Shredded Wheat
Skim milk w/cereal
1 Rice Crispy Treat (160)
2 Tacos (we went to my favorite Mexican restaurant to celebrate the job I'll be starting on Tuesday) I guess that means I reward myself with food, huh? OOPS!
Rice
Beans
Chips w/Guacamole

Beverages:
17 oz water
Unsweetened tea (2 tall glasses w/artificial sweetener)
12 oz diet soda

Exercise:
Not a darn thing

Have a great weekend. J, you’re right about us taking this in baby steps and 1-2 pounds a week being the healthy way to do it. Now that I’ll be working, I know I’ll be moving around a lot more than I have been, so chances are, I’ll start losing weight as well. Hopefully.

Phone Call

After hitting publish on that last post, I received a phone call. It was from the woman I interviewed with on Monday. I GOT THE JOB!!! WooHoo!!!

She asked if I wanted to take the weekend to think about when I wanted to start. I told her that I could start Tuesday (they're closed Monday - government work). She was shocked and speechless. She's going to check with HR and make sure they're ready for me since my first day will be spent with them filling out paperwork and orientation. She'll call me back if there's a problem, but as it stands now, I start on Tuesday.

Look what I just did..

I just signed up for the traveling journal. Pretty cool. They have a 100-page journal that they want to send to 100 people all over the world. You can write anything you want on your page before passing it on to the next person. They are including a yellow monkey that they'd like you to take a picture of and send back to Radioactive Jam so he can see where his monkey has been.

This reminds me of the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants where four girls (all different body types) miraculously fit into the same pair of jeans. They are going in different directions over the summer, so to stay close, they each take a turn with the pair of jeans. Pretty interesting story.

I thought it would be interesting to be part of this project. They're going to be scanning some of the pages onto Radioactive's site so everyone can take a peak on what's being put into the book as it's traveling. Then, one of the writers will get to keep the journal after it's completed.

So now, I need to think about what I want to add to my page and where I want to take a picture of the little yellow monkey. I just had a thought for the picture of the monkey - on a headstone of a soldier from the Civil War at the Stones River Battleground. That would be an interesting place for a yellow monkey to travel to and it's not far from where I live.

My questions to you:
1) Does that sound like a good place to photograph the monkey?
2) Should I include stuff from my blog on my journal page? (another way to let people know they aren't alone when they're going through "family crap" that has to deal with religion.
3) Should I include some of my favorite sayings, of which there are actually more than I posted?

So, what do you think? BTW, feel free to join in the traveling journal. Sounds like it'll be great fun.

It's Official

I'm fat and lazy! ~ Isn't that sad? I think it's extremely sad. I don't know why I just can't seen to get moving. Maybe it's my depression kicking back in. Maybe I just need a job to get me moving. I don't know. I do know that I don't even want to get out of the house - honestly, I prefer to stay in my pajamas all day. So, I've got to find ways to get off my lazy ass and move. I guess that means I need to use the elliptical trainer more. That could help. I need to keep my depression from getting me down. I should also limit the time I play World of Warcraft, but we've met so many nice people playing that game. I love getting online with them. Right now, that's the most interaction I have with anyone outside of H (and my dog).

On another note, the ABLEs meeting went well last night. We have decided to get business cards printed with the website address so it's easier to get the name out there without having to carry around a lot of brochures. This organization has been around for 15 years and was started by a woman with a dream for her disabled son. It's amazing what this woman goes through on a daily basis. Most people in the area haven't even heard of this organization (I didn't hear about it until I worked with her last year).

They have bowling every Saturday from Jan-March then adjusted baseball every Saturday from April-June or July plus other activities thrown in during that time and from then until the end of the year. She is there EVERY week and every outing, not only for her son, but for all the other kids as well. Since this is a non-profit, they rely on donations. I'm not asking anyone to donate. Please don't feel obligated by me in any way. I just want you to know they're out there and helping a lot of kids. What's sad, to me, is that the parents think of this as day care and time to get away from their kids instead of seeing this as people trying to give their kids an outlet so they don't feel disabled. Many of the parents don't even show up to the events, they just drop off their kids and come back for them two to three hours later while N (the mother that started this whole thing) is there EVERY weekend for her child as well as all the others. Please keep this wonderful lady in your thoughts and prayers. She goes through a lot without one complaint because she wants to help her son and others. *okay, I'm off my soapbox for the day :-)*
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I weighed myself this morning. I actually remembered this time. I weigh the same today that I weighed last week. I didn’t lose a damn thing. I guess that’s what I get for not exercising this week. I didn’t even deviate from healthy eating until yesterday. J

Food:
1 rice crispy bar (160)
3 crab Rangoon (?) – Homemade by mother-in-law
3 vegetable egg rolls (?) – Homemade by mother-in-law
1 ½ cups fried rice with pineapple, raisins, chicken, cashews (?) – homemade by mother-in-law
¼ cup unsalted almonds (170)

Beverages:
1 cup Irish coffee (45)
34 oz water

Exercise:
Zip…did a little more walking than most days – went to lunch with H and had my ABLEs meeting last night. Overall, still lazy as hell.

How’d you do?

It's DeLurking Week

It's delurking week, so delurk already. :-) Please leave a comment and let me know you're reading either my blog or one on the list to the right. I'd love to hear from you and find out who's really reading and paying attention or who's not. Either way, I just want to hear from you this week. I won't bite. I promise (unless you want me to).

Anyway, hope you're enjoying my thoughts as they spew out onto the net.

At least I've finally learned to relax

I blame my 5 months out of school and work. :-) It's about damn time I stop stressing so much. And, yeah, I feel like a dork. I was very sheltered growing up, so I don't know how to read people's motives very well and I do feel uncomfortable in crowds....stupid quiz.

The Dork
You scored 30 anxiety, 81 awkwardness, and 25 neuroticism!

You aren't particularly anxious, and you don't count things--but you do notice sometimes that you don't exactly fit in. Polite people would call you an eccentric, but you truly are The Dork! And proud. Just because you feel a little awkward at parties doesn't mean you're not happy with yourself and fairly relaxed.

Your low anxiety score implies that you are able to relax, can enjoy the here and now, and have a healthy amount of self-confidence.

Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially inept, probably stick out from the crowd, and perhaps feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties.

Your low neuroticism score implies that you don't exhibit subtle neurotic behaviors--your nails are probably an acceptable length, your pencils aren't covered with bite marks, and your bookcase isn't arranged alphabetically by genre. Congrats!

The Neurotic Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=12312973059171724455

So, what are you results?

WOOHOO...

Post #200. ~ I can't believe it took this long (over a year) to reach post 200. I think it is safe to say that it will be quicker to get to the next 200 since I am now blogging every day. Heck, even if I miss a day or so, it's still going to be a lot faster to get to 400.

I have an ABLEs meeting tonight. Things went well in my first meeting. I kind of hung back a bit because I don't know what they normally do throughout the year or what the kids are interested in. I know they hae bowling, adapted baseball, breakfast with Santa, and Summer Camp when they go to a different location each night of the week. It's pretty cool. After the last meeting, I wrote all the thank-you cards for the donations given to the Breakfast with Santa. We are currently in the process of finding a new logo. The current logo is a clip art of a baseball team. I'll write about tonights meeting tomorrow.
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Food:
1 Whole Wheat Bagel (270)
3T Flavored Cream Cheese (210)
1 Chicken Pot Pie (670)
Popcorn (280)
Ham/Cheese Bagel (410)

Beverages:
1 Cup Coffee (45)
51 oz Water
2 Cans Diet Coke

Exercise:
Nothing – another lazy day.

How’d you do yesterday?

Realizations

~So, after writing yesterday's post, I realized that all this is going on around a woman who taught me that gift giving is about the thoughts behind the gift not what you actually receive. I guess when she taught that lesson, she meant it more as "do as I say, not as I do." Hell, at least she got something. I was tempted to not get them anything and just give stuff to the kids this year. As it was, we put those damn popcorn buckets on a credit card... we were able to pay cash for the kids gifts.

Manda, thanks so much for your words of encouragement on yesterday's post. I'm so sorry you've gone through similar situations with your family.

One of the reasons I started this online journal was so other people (going through similar situations) wouldn't feel as alone as I always have. I had no idea it would show me that I wasn't alone and that I'm not the only one going through these issues with family. I never felt comfortable telling anyone what was going on in my family. I grew up as "good Christian people" (my dad was a deacon and the young people in the church always looked to me as an example for some reason) and my family is so into "putting on a good show around everyone" and "everyone has problems but our family" thing. I never realized other people were going through what I was going through in my family and I was so afraid that G's kids would feel the way I did, that I wanted them to be able to find this someday (when they're older) and realize that they aren't alone in all of this and that they have someone in the family that truly understands what they are feeling and going through that will talk to them when and if they are ready.
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Food:
Whole Wheat Bagel (270)
3 T. Whipped Cream Cheese (210)
Lean Cuisine Pizza (350)
1 oz Cheese (100)
1 Cup Carrots
1 Rice Crispy Treat (160)
1 Chocolate Truffle (76)
1 Strawberry Popsicle (30)
2 Hershey’s Nuggets Special Dark w/Almonds (100)

Beverages:
1 Cup Irish Crème Coffee with creamy topping and sugar-free vanilla syrup
34 oz water

Exercise:
Elliptical Trainer (2 minutes)
As you can see, today was better when it came to my snacking, but a girl’s gotta snack. :-) At least I bought more healthy snacks instead of eating something a lot more unhealthy.

Oh well

I talked to mom yesterday and let her know about my interview. I mentioned that things were pretty tight and that it would be nice to be able to pay off our bills and have money to purchase real gifts for family at Christmas. This year, we sent tubs of popcorn to my parents, H's parents, and to G and his family. We sent $25 gift cards to G and M to pick stuff out for their kids (which we do every year so we don't have to pay shipping. The kids get more for the money, and we have no idea what kind of things they like). We also got things for K and the little baby living with them, but we had those for months. Mom spouted that, "yeah, it's embarrassing when someone asks 'what did your daughter get you?' and you have to tell them popcorn." WHATEVER. I don't even know who would ask her that, and I really don't care. Everyone in our family knows I don't have a job right now. Just because we aren't asking people for money (like G does on a consistent basis) doesn't mean that our wallets aren't extremely tight right now. We just prefer to help ourselves out of our problems instead of boohooing on other's shoulders and asking for handouts. Mom can never be happy and content with what they get. She always wants something better or more. I'm not going to let her make me feel bad. We wanted to do something for them, but without me having a job, we did what we could.

This is what I was talking about a few days ago when I said I'm tired of being made to feel guilty when buying gifts for people on one day of the year when you don't feel close to them the other 364. So, I guess the gift card G got her was so much better than popcorn. Guess what she's getting from me next year - that's right, a gift card. :-)

You know, I'm not really pissed. I kind of expected it. I know how she is. I'm just disappointed in her and her reaction. Everything always has to be about her. She never once thinks what her actions or reactions are doing to others nor does she happen to take into account that we are a one income family right now with two huge credit card debts (due to H's first two years at college) and two huge student loans (my first payment starts next month). Thankfully, we've been paying on H's since 2001, so his isn't too bad; but with mine, we knew about student loans from the beginning instead of having to put school on a credit card like we did with H, so my student loan is double what his is - meaning my payment each month should also be about double what his is. Looking forward to next month...NOT!

Whatever. I hope she likes her gift card next year. I heard from my grandma that she went over the moon over the card from G. You know I'm gonna send one next year from the same store. I'm not stupid. I know she won't react the same way to mine as she did from his, but that's ok. I can live with it especially since hearing her talk yesterday really didn't bother me all that much. I haven't even told H about it yet, so I know I'm taking this extremely well. Yeah for me.

Yesterday's Interview

~My interview yesterday went really well. Interviews, for me, always go well for some reason. I may not get called in for interviews very often, but every interview I've ever given, I've been offered the job. I've always looked at this as "God" telling me which job is right for me. I'm usually asked to 1 interview (no matter how many applications I fill out or resumes I send out) and I've always been offered the position.

Even my last job (only a month) was actually the right job for me at that time. Even with all the religious talk and my feeling uncomfortable there, I needed that job at that point in my life. It made me realize that what I think about me is much more important that what someone else thinks about me. I needed to see that I don't need to live up to the expectations of anyone but myself. I found that I do not have to put up with those situations any longer and I don't have to put myself into those situations. I can take myself out of them. I needed to know that and be comfortable with that.

I have found that there is always something I can learn in any job I've ever gotten. It may be that I need to learn how to handle a certain personality type or it may be that I need to learn something about me.

The job I interviewed for yesterday is a secretarial position at my alma mater so it's a government job. I was there early, so I was able to see how they interacted with each other long before my interview. I liked what I saw. I saw a group that enjoys being around each other, a group that is more than willing to help each other out, a group that is tight knit, and a group that isn't afraid to laugh out loud with each other and tease each other a bit. I love that kind of atmosphere. From what I saw yesterday, this could very easily be the place of employment I've been looking for over the past years.

Wish me luck and thanks so much for your good wishes and crossed fingers yesterday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Food:
Little over 1 cup cinnamon Life Cereal (about 170 cals)
Chicken Pot Pie (670 cals)
5 pieces of choc covered macadamia (350)
Popcorn (140 cals)
Raspberry popsicle (30 cals)
1 dark chocolate Hershey with Almonds (50 cals)
1 rice crispy treat (160 cals)
=1575 cals

Obviously, I was pretty snacky yesterday. At least my caloric intake wasn’t bad.

Beverages:
1 cup Irish Crème Coffee (NO Baileys)
34 oz water (I think – lost track)
20 oz Coke Zero

Exercise:
Nothing but normal walking and I was pretty lazy

I've done my measurements and I've even taken pictures of myself in my underwear. I'm thinking about making the pictures into a wallpaper for my desktop so I can see it daily as a reminder. I know I have a mirror, but I honestly don't look like that in the mirror. I guess I have a good self-image (what a shock that is!) because I don't look half as fat in my mirror (any mirror in my house) as I do in pictures or in the windows I've caught my reflection in. Don't ask because I am NOT posting those pictures. :-)

Here's to day 9. We're doing fine. We've learned these bad eating/exercise habits over the years, we can't expect to change them over night no matter how much we'd like to. Hang in there. We CAN do it.

Post #195

WooHoo! Getting close to 200 posts. I'm so excited. You know the drill. If you want to skip all this stuff, scroll to the ~ (by the way, this is going to be true from here on in - I'll just put a ~ in the first few lines so you'll know that I have posted something about my food, beverage intake, and/or exercise).

One thing I don't understand and don't like...I weighed on the last Friday of December. I weighed 197. Please don't fall over in shock. I weighed again on January 1 because I knew I ate my favorite foods over the weekend before starting the healthy thing. I weighed 199. I weighed again this past Friday (okay it was actually Saturday because it slipped my mind on Friday - I think because it was a four day work-week and it threw me off to have H leave only 4 days). Anyway, I weighed 197. So, it takes me 2 days to gain 2 pounds, but it takes me 5 days to lose it. That SUCKS! I am now sticking to weighing just on Fridays. Hmmmm, I wonder why.

So, I have a job interview today at 2:00cst. Please wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I need to get a job and there doesn't seem to be many that are available at the moment here. At least not for what I do or want to do. I have a $400 student loan that I'll have to start making payments on next month. I really need this job. We could probably live without it, but finances would be extremely tight.

Now, on to K's birthday. He turned 4 last Thursday. We took him to Chuck E. Cheese on Saturday. He was soooo good and had a blast. First we ate pizza and wings then we played the games. We played a lot of games and he had a blast. We wore his little butt out. He helped me play skeeball (among other things) and it was a lot of fun. I think he enjoyed the air hockey the best. He was all smiles the entire time he played against his dad. After we played all the tokens that came with the meal, we bought $20 worth of more tokens. It was so much fun. When it was time to go home, he didn't even pitch a fit, say no, or anything. I took a dollar to get him an ice cream and the machine ate the dollar and didn't give him an ice cream. He was okay with it, and didn't get upset. He just took it in stride, but we told the manager so she went in the back and got him the ice cream he wanted. We stood around for about 20 minutes because we ordered chicken wings to take home. I thought they'd never be done, but K was so good. He didn't mind that other kids were playing and he wasn't. He didn't even ask to go play. I guess he was really worn out. We put him in the car for the 5 minute drive home and he was asleep halfway there. I picked him up out of the car and laid him on the futon to sleep. It was so cute, he opened his eyes and just smiled at me. I took off his shoes and he just giggled. It melted my heart yet again. He is such a cutie and such a good little boy. I can't wait to see the man he becomes. He'll have a little brother or sister in about 6 months, and I can't wait to see the big brother he'll become. He is absolutely amazing.

On another note, I went to indexed yesterday and while catching up on his posts, came across the diagrammed sentence. I always loved diagramming sentences in high school (kind of nerdy, I know) and mentioned that to H. He said they didn't have to diagram when he was in school (he's six years younger than me) and said it was archaic - "like counting with an abacus". These were his exact words. He's so funny, it cracks me up. I have no idea where he gets these ideas or how he can even come up with them so quickly. I always loved English in school. I had to point out each part of the sentence in the diagram because he had never seen one done before. That was actually one of my favorite parts of English class. So, I guess that does make me a nerd. Oh well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weekend was a little rough, but I think I stayed within my caloric limit. I don’t think I actually ate breakfast either day.

Food:
4-6 oz meat (beef and shrimp)
1 cup veggies
1 Piece of DQ Peanut Butter Cup Cake (400 cals)
1 DQ chili dog (330 cals)
1 medium DQ French fries (380 cals)

Beverages:
34 oz Water
23 oz Coke Zero (with ice)
20 oz Diet Coke (with ice)

Exercise:
Normal steps today, but forgot to put on pedometer

Well, they say it takes 28 days to form a habit. Since this was day 7, I think we’re doing pretty well. At least everything we are doing or not doing is still foremost in our minds. I think that’s a good start and an important thing to remember.

I hope you had a great weekend. Keep up the good work. Don’t get discouraged. I’m with you all the way.

Still on track...kind of

I still haven't written about K's birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. We did have a blast. I'll write about that later today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jan 6th, I ate:
1 small honey bran muffin
2 pieces pepperoni Pizza (Chuck E. Cheese)
2 chicken wings w/ranch dressing (Chuck E. Cheese)
1 Chik-fil-a sandwich
1 small chik-fil-a cole slaw
1 bitesize Butterfinger

Beverages:
2 cups Irish coffee with 2 t. sugar-free vanilla syrup and 1 T. Baileys
2 16 oz diet soda with splash of Dr. Pepper (with ice)
34 oz. Water
1 Venti Carmel latte with 2% milk (iced from Starbucks)

Exercise:
2652 steps (not including those taken to get ready for bed)

The following is taken from an email I sent today to J:

I absolutely love the 100 calorie snack packs, but I am currently trying to cut down on the amount of processed foods I eat. I figure it’s got to be healthier than those that take out nutrients just to put them back in again.

I think April 1 is a good goal for us to lose our first 20 pounds. We don’t want to stress if we don’t lose even 1 pound a week and I think if we made March 15th our goal, that’s what would happen on a week we don’t lose or we lose only one pound instead of two. You're a smart woman for realizing that.

I’m trying to exercise every day – I’m just not doing a very good job of it. By seeing how many steps I actually do take in a day, I’m seeing how lazy and sedentary I have become. No wonder H and I have both gained 50 pounds since getting married. We quit moving.

I’d like my weight to be between 140-160 pounds. According to “YOU on a Diet”, we should be able to get down to the size we were when we were 18-21 when our bodies worked at optimal efficiency. I can’t remember what size I was at age 21, but I remember being a size 9 when I was 27 (when I met H). I’m almost tempted to say “screw the #, I want to be a size 9 again.” I’m thinking that might be healthier because as we exercise, we are gaining muscle weight. Muscle weight weighs more than fat weight. Right now, I wear between a 16 and 18 depending on the style or if it’s for a shirt or pants. I don’t remember the size pants I wore when I met Bob, but if I can get into a size 9 dress, I’ll be satisfied at whatever the pants are. They’re probably a 9 as well depending on the manufacturer.

Manda, how do you feel about all of this. I didn't hear from your yesterday about what you ate on the 5th. How're you doing?

Jan 5: Food, Water, Exercise

Ate:
Blueberry oatmeal (160 cals)
2 cups Irish flavored coffee with creamy topping, sugar free vanilla syrup, and T baileys choc mint
4 cups popcorn (140 cals)
1 popsicle (30 cals)
2 pieces choc covered mac nuts (140 cals)
½ a pork chop
1 cup mac ‘n cheese (cracker barrel)*
1 cup cooked carrots (at cracker barrel)*
1 cup green beans (cracker barrel)*

For the items at cracker barrel, I’m going to check online for their nutritional value and get the calories for them if I can.

Water:
43 ½ oz

Exercise:
1926 steps (not counting those while I get ready for bed)

*Went online and Cracker Barrel has somehow been able to get away without having a list of the nutritional value of their foods. Oh well.

On another note: We spent this afternoon with K. He turned 4 on Thursday and we took him to Chuck E. Cheese today. It was a blast. I will write more about it later.

Recent Movies

We've seen 6 movies since New Year's Eve.

Last night was the latest and it was "Happy Feet". It was a very cute movie and it even threw in a "green" message - nothing wrong with those, just the way they did it was kind of hokey, but it doesn't come into play until the very end of the movie. All in all it was quite cute and left you thinking about life on a bit of a grander scale than just your backyard. Would probably see this a few more times.

We have also seen "Little Man" which was also cute. How the Damon boys do it, I'll never know. Sometimes I feel sorry for their parents. You know they had to have pulled a lot of pranks growing up. That house was probably never boring and never without excitement of some kind. Very touching movie. Might see this again.

"Barnyard" was the first movie we saw on New Year's Eve. This was really cute. It even had all the kids absolutely quiet for the entire show. If that doesn't give it high praise, I don't know what will. This movie had all of us laughing out loud (adults and kids alike). Very good movie. Would see this again.

"Failure to Launch" was one I saw on my own. This was a lot better than I expected and I think H would have enjoyed it a bit as well. Not your typical chick flick. This was a story of a guy who had some trauma in his life and decided to move back in with his parents. His life is so unbalanced and out of wack that nature is turning against him. He is bitten by a dolphin, a chipmunk, and a vegetarian iguana all in one year. I would watch this movie over and over.

We rented two other movies, but at the moment, I can't think of which they were. I guess they didn't stick in my head like these did. I just got off the phone with H and he can't think of the names either. I guess they weren't that impressive.

'Tis the Season?

Once again, if you just want to check the rest of what I ate yesterday, scroll down to the ~.

Gotta say, I'm glad the Christmas season is over. I'm not a grinch, and I love the holiday season. I love shopping for gifts. I hate the traffic and crowds. I love the carols. I'm just getting tired of feeling like you have to do certain things for certain people around this time of year when you don't feel that close to them the other 364 days of the year. I don't get it. And what's up with the guilt about it all?

I can't help it that I don't feel that close to my family. If you need reasons for this, check out all my blogs regarding "family crap" (that'll explain a lot if not everything). It's just that certain members of my biological* family have ways of making me feel as though I am a terrible person for doing things or not doing things when they've treated me like crap all year (or made me feel like crap all year). So, yeah, I don't necessarily feel in the Christmas spirit when it comes to shopping for some of these people. I feel as though everything is being judged (what I got them, what I failed to get them). It's a never ending cycle that I just don't feel comfortable with.

Each year, I put a lot of effort, thought, and time into picking gifts that each person would love for people that don't know me well enough to know that I no longer collect music boxes or that I hate when other people pick my clothes because their style is nothing like mine or clothes just don't fit while I'm fat.

This year, money was tight because I haven't been working (I have an interview Monday - woohoo! I really want this job). We only spent about $30 on each person. It isn't that we didn't want to spend more on each person, but we didn't want to go further into debt when we're pretty close to our limits on credit cards as it is. Luckily, H just got a bonus that we put as extra payments on the cards (thankfully, we're down to 2).

Anyway, so that's my rant about the Christmas season. Glad it's over. Looking forward to this New Year. Hope it's great for everyone.

*I'm starting to realize that those you're related to are family, but those you choose to be close to are your family as well. H and I have friends and family (yes, some we're related to) that we're extremely close to and would do anything for and feel close to all year long. To us, these people are our family. We chose these people to be close to because of 1) their values, 2) their views, 3) the kind of people we are when we're around them, or 4) the kind of people they are period.
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update on my eating list since I posted it yesterday after lunch instead of waiting until to day for the complete list

Food:
1 pork chop
¾ cup jasmine rice
1 fruit popsicle (30 cals)
Split a large diet coke with ice and topped off with Dr. Pepper (we went and saw Happy Feet last night)

Water:
17 oz water

Emerging

So far today, I have had/done the following…

Food:
Blueberry Heart Smart Oatmeal (160)
2 cups irish crème coffee with creamy topping and T of Baileys in each cup (also 1 T sugar free vanilla syrup in each cup)
¼ cup honey roasted macadamia nuts (no nutritional info on packet)
Lean Cuisine Pizza (350)
16 oz Diet Dr. Pepper (no ice) (0)

Water:
16.9 oz

Exercise:
Elliptical trainer (2 minutes)
25 crunches
25 half sit-ups

I am really liking this book, "YOU on a Diet". I’m learning quite a bit about how my body works and why things work the way they do when it comes to my weight. I’m finding this very interesting.

I think exercising is keeping me from thinking about food. Not just while I’m exercising, but even for hours afterward. I’m even wanting and thinking about exercising earlier in the day instead of waiting until the last possible moment I can get away without doing it. You know that's a shock!

Thanks so much. to all of you, for your encouragement. It has really helped me along the way (and yeah, I know this is only the beginning, but I feel better at the beginning of this than I ever have in the past). It’s pretty cool to know that I'm not in this alone. Manda, I hope that my keeping a log in my blog is helping you stay on track. Your letting me know what you’re doing helps keep me on track and I don't mind you posting your progress in my comments at all. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to do that.

As I said, this isn’t as hard as I anticipated it being and I think it’s because of your support and knowing that I’m not in this alone. I’ve done this before with my mom as my support, but that never works for me and I think it’s because I already have so many issues with her that thwart whatever good may come from us keeping dibs on each other. Anyway, I just wanted to post a big THANKS. Keep up the good work, Manda. We will eventually hit our goals.

All Hail K

He turns 4 today! This little boy is the funniest little man I have ever met. I say little man because he doesn't look like a little boy to me. He looks like a man in a small body. He still tries to blame his farts on his uncle or his daddy. He grumbles as he's taking something up the stairs to mommy. He's been heard saying, "Why does she always ask me...why can't grandma do it?" He loves shaking his butt at people just the way I taught him only he thinks he's dancing and will face you while I turn my butt toward him. :-) He learns all the good stuff from me. :-P

He loves music. He calls it his "black music" because all the music he likes has a beat like rap. He loves rap, country, and the wiggles. When he's going to the car, he will put the CD on his finger and hold it in the air to make sure he doesn't lose his music before he gets to the car. He loves any music with a beat even if it's in a language he doesn't understand. We turned on a few Italian songs. One he liked 'cause he could bob his head to it. The other was by the same group only it was mellow and he didn't like it. He doesn't like Laotian music - this kid is Loatian, so that cracks me up.

He has always copied everything I do from scratching my nose, dancing, putting my hand in my pocket, to making funny faces. He's my child, his parents just don't know it yet. When I hold the little girl that is staying with them, he gets all jealous and won't talk or look at me for about an hour. He's finally getting better with that, and he'll have to learn with his new little brother or sister coming.

I can't wait to teach the NN/N bad habits too. I'm so looking forward to that, but K will always hold a VERY special place in my heart. He will always be the little boy I fell in love with, I watched come into this world, and the fella I was able to give a middle name to. He's my buddy. If I were ever to be blessed with a little boy, I would hope and pray for a boy like K.

Am I a Lush?

If you'd like to know about my eating/exercising only, skip down to the ~

So, I was wondering how terrible it is that I enjoy a bit of Bailey's in my morning coffee. I don't have coffee every morning, but I do like the flavor the Bailey's adds to the caffeine. Is that terrible? I don't think so, it's the only alcohol I've had in over a year. I can drink coffee without it. There isn't even enough to give me a buzz of any kind. Am I trying to make it sound okay? Whatever. I've been adding the chocolate mint bailey's to an Irish Creme coffee. Such a good combination.

Things have been going pretty well. I've been mostly on track with my healthier eating and exercising. I've been able to keep my chocolate urges down to a bite or two a day. This is good. I'm no longer craving huge amounts of chocolate at a time now. One or two bites takes the edge off and keeps me from wanting more.

I bought the book, "YOU on a Diet". It's got a lot of information in it. I'm only on page 41 at the moment, but I'm learning a lot along the way. According to this book, the size (for women) that you were when you were around 18 is about the size your body really wants you at. I don't remember what size I was when I was 18, but I remember the size I was when I met H. I was a size 9 and looked GREAT! Everyone thought I was 15 pounds lighter than I was and thought I wore a size 6. This means there is no reason I can't get back into that size. I kind of already knew that - hell, I was 28 years old. That is way past 18 and if I could get to that weight and size at age 28, there's no reason I can't realistically get back down to that size.

I bought H two pair of slacks yesterday. Why is it that men only have to have a number for their clothes and they all fit? I bought him the size he asked for, he didn't have to try them on, and they fit perfectly. Why can't women's clothes be that uniform? We have to try on not only the size we think we wear, but the size above and below because you just never know. It's ridiculous and sucks. Women's clothes are so hard to purchase. You can never really buy clothes for another woman because every thing fits differently on each woman. And don't get me started on the dressing rooms. They're always so damn hot, you can't be in there for more than 5 minutes without breaking out in a sweat. I am so looking forward to enjoying shopping for clothes again.
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Ate Jan 3:
Blueberry Healthy Heart oatmeal (160 cals)
1 chik-fil-a sandwich (410 cals)
16 oz diet coke including ice
1 cup carrots
¼ Hershey bar (it’s now gone). (170 cals)
1 muffin (120 cals)
2 all fruit popsicles (60 cals)
2 choc. Covered macadamia nuts (140 cals)
2 weight watcher pizza pockets (580 cals)
20 oz diet coke (no ice)

=1640 cals for everything with a caloric value

51 oz water

Exercise Jan 3:
Elliptical (3 minutes)
3550 steps

I’ve been sliding on the sit-ups and crunches for the past few days. I think I’m gonna have to do my exercise routine twice a day starting next week. This was a good starter week, but I need to do more.

Struggling and Pushing On

Things didn't go as well yesterday as I would have hoped. Dinner didn't thaw in time (guess I should have turned up the heat in the house), so I ate a bag of popcorn.

List of food for Jan 2:
3 muffins
2 Cups Shredded Wheat (= 2 servings)
Skim milk in the cereal
1 cup carrots
1 bag popcorn
¼ Hershey bar
8 oz skim milk
1 piece choc covered macadamia nuts (70 cals)

35 oz water

Exercise for Jan 2:
3 minutes on elliptical
Didn’t count my steps because the thing didn’t work on the pocket of my robe. :-)

I've heard that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so this one little glitch isn't gonna stop me or slow me down. I'm back where I need to be. I've found that I'm not eating enough calories, so my body thinks I'm starving it. I eat, I just don't eat healthy foods. I get in calories, but not enough calories and definitely not enough from the right kinds of foods. I'm hanging in there, and now that I know what my problem is, I can work on that as well. I was pretty proud of myself for eating the carrots yesterday. I think I shocked my system.

Meme Of 2006

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
Started to really understand and accept myself
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any for 2006 and I’m choosing to make life changes this year instead of resolutions (lose weight and exercise)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A family staying with H’s family had a baby. I didn’t know them before the birth, but now that they live there, I get to see the baby every weekend.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope
5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
a job
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 12 - the day I graduated from college Cum Laude
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
having my picture in the paper for being "Outstanding Office Management Student of the Year", graduating college Cum Laude, getting to know the real me, and accepting me
9. What was your biggest failure?
wanting to please others at the expense of my sanity and my own identity
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
normal allergies and sinus crap; also went through a bout of tiredness and hot flashes
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Calvin Klein’s Euphoria
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
H for putting up with me and letting me find out the person I am within
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mom (depressed not appalled)
Me (appalled that I let things get to me instead of realizing I have no control over situations, I only have control over my responses to those situations)
14. Where did most of your money go?
bills – every little bit we had extra went to extra payments
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Graduating and having the time to spend on me
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
“My Immortal” by Evanescence
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier, fatter, poorer (I had a part-time job this time last year)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
“sumthin sumthin” with H
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
stressed, worried, trying to live up to other’s expectations instead of my own
20. How did you be spend Christmas?
with K and his family
21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
H always makes me fall in love. He’s so good to me and for me
22. How many one-night stands?
zero
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, The Class
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
nope
25. What was the best book you read?
The Alchemist
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rammstadt, Bocelli, Linkin Park, Evanescence, Smash Mouth, and a lot of others
27. What did you want and get?
Calvin Klein’s Euphoria
28. What did you want and not get?
I didn’t want a lot this year. Euphoria was about it besides spending time with K
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The DaVinci Code
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Saw “The Lion King” on stage, spent the WHOLE day with H. I was 38
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Accepting myself, flaws and all, sooner in the year
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Lost in Translation
33. What kept you sane?
H
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Male – Orlando Bloom
Female – Sandra Bullock
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Adding to our state’s constitution that marriage is between a man and a woman (pissed me off to put discrimination into a constitution of any kind)
36. Who did you miss?
My Uncle Chuck – he passed away about 4 years ago
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Me
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
Accept yourself for the person you are.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"These wounds won’t seem to heal; this pain is just too real; there’s just too much that time cannot erase" by Evanescence

My Tear

Thanks to Manda for writing this post today. It touched my heart and had me tearing up in no time. It makes you realize that what you look like on the outside doesn't matter. It's the person on the inside that matters, but I still want my outside to match my inside. I just look different in the mirror each morning than I do when I catch a glimpse of myself in windows as I pass by. I guess that's a good thing. At least I seem to have a good self image, but I want my self-image to match my actual image.

Thanks again, Manda, for that touching post. I needed to read that today.

Same Blog Address, New Blog Name

I have been thinking about this for a while, and I think it's time I change the name of this blog. I wanted something that reflected who I am, but couldn't think of it when I wanted to start blogging. I used this blog as an outlet to help me work through a lot of things that were going on in my life. So, while I blogged and figured stuff out, I used the name "My Piece of the Net" because that's what this blog was to me and for me at that time. H has picked the perfect name for my blog without even trying.

I think this title says so much more about me. I have been struggling and I have emerged a better person for it. In the past, I have worked and struggled on the inner me. This year, I am struggling on the outer me and I will be working on my weight and on my poor eating habits. I will emerge from this as well.

I have taken time in the last few days to realize that I don't eat because I LOVE food. I can go a whole day without eating anything because I don't really think about food. I struggle with the choices of food I eat. I also found that I eat out of boredom and because of whatever stress or feelings has been going on in my life.

This title is more about me and what I've been going through for a long time. Now I can see that I have emerged where before, all I could see was the struggling.

So, my eating habits yesteray were okay. I ate the following:
3 small muffins (about 400 cals)
6 oz ham
1 cup irish cream coffee with creamy topping and baileys
12 Fried shrimp with 1 1/2 Tablespoons of shrimp sauce
1 piece of garlic bread
1 plate crab legs with butter sauce
1/4 of a large Hershey bar
8 oz milk

38 oz water

For exercise:
I was on the eliptical for 3 minutes (hey, I've gotta work my way up in this one)
25 crunches
25 half sit-ups (H says they're also crunches they just work a different part of the stomach - they also work my back, so that's good for me)

In the exercise area, I would like to work up to 40 minutes on the eliptical, 100 crunches, 100 half sit-ups, and I'd also like to add in push-ups.

Good luck to you all on your resolutions for 2007. I'm not calling the healthy eating or exercising "resolutions". I'm making them life changes. I want to be around for my niece and nephews and enjoy running with them without getting winded after just a few minutes. Wish me luck as well. :-)

Happy New Year!

So...last night was nice. We went to a friend's house, ate dinner, watched a movie, and met a new family. We also watched the ball drop in Time Square. Not too shabby.

I'm not really making resolutions this year. There are just a few things I want to work on and I'm gonna try really hard to continue working on those through, not only the year, but the rest of my life (life changes).

I want to work on making healthier choices in the food I eat. I want to exercise every day (heck, just 10 minutes a day would be more than I'm doing now). Like I said in an earlier post, I've worked quite a bit on the inward me and the me messed up by family issues. This year, I'm starting to work on the outer me and making healthier choices in order for the me on the inside to show more on the outside.

What are your thoughts or resolutions for 2007?