Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I went to my first interview after college graduation. I had to drive to their main office to talk with HR. I have a second interview tomorrow with the actual location that I would be working in....so I passed the initial.
This would be a GREAT job for me right now. I'm not ready to get into the workforce full-time and this is a part-time position with a nation-wide real estate agency doing secretarial work. This is great for many reasons:
1. part-time...I can still go to Curves in the morning and get my allergy shots before going to work
2. this would give me administrative assistant experience needed to get a full-time position later
3. the hours are 1-6, so I would miss traffic to and from work.
4. it would give us money each week to put toward our debt.
Works for me!
Friday, August 25, 2006
OK…I’m not just imagining things…I faxed my resume to 2 of the 3 companies I emailed my resume to last week through CareerBuilders. In less than 30 minutes from faxing these, I received a phone call from Human Resources from one of the companies. They’re going to call next week to schedule an interview. They wanted to make sure I realized this was a part-time position.
This is the job I would really like right now. It’s in a national real estate firm. I would love to get into the real estate business (at least see if this is something I would like to do). I like the part-time part of it so I can still make Curves 3 times a week and get my allergy shots each week without having to take time off or be too tired to work out. This would also give me the time I need to figure out a few things and work on the issues I listed in my last post.
I feel better now knowing that they didn’t get my resume as opposed to them just not wanting to interview me. J Yeah, still working on self-esteem issues. So sue me.
Anyway...I have been taking these two weeks and using them to destress from everything going on in school. I am finding out just WHO I AM. I realized that I have felt "lost" for a very long time. Like what I am doing is not me or not what I am supposed to be doing. I have done everything in my power to live up to the expectations I think others have of me (notice I did not say "others expectations of me" - I'm already improving). I have finally realized that living up to those "expectations" is not who I am.
I have realized the following things about myself:
1. My home does not have to be perfectly clean - who am I kidding...it's extremely cluttered, not dirty, just cluttered.
2. Cleaning my house is not my #1 priority
3. Spending time with my husband, nephew, and dog ARE my #1 priority even if it's just watching TV or playing WoW online
4. I enjoy the way I feel when I have a job. I feel confident, funny, and more secure in myself and I enjoy spending time with people.
5. I love watching TV and reading books of any genre
6. I love movies (also of all genres)
7. Somewhere along the way, I lost my self-confidence and sense of self-worth (I'm going to work on bringing those back, as I like who I am with those aspects/traits in my life). I'm thinking I lost those with the sexual harrassment I encountered in the workplace a few years ago (I was very confident before that episode and somehow started hiding who I really am in the guise of self-preservation).
8. I am an adult and do not have to live my life by anyone else's rules (including, but not limited to, those of my parents)
9. Faith is important to me, but it does not have to be that of an organized religion. I just need to find what works for me outside those strict boundaries.
10. I want to find the meaning for my life. I know there is a reason every person is put on this planet. I just need to find out what it is I'm supposed to do.
11. I do not need to hinge my life or self-confidence on the love, support, and/or acceptance of my parents or brother.
So...from all the items listed above, it looks as though I have some (okay, a lot of) work to do on myself. I have started this work, especially in the area of self-confidence, self-worth, and finding the meaning of my life by picking up Dr. Phil's book "Self Matters". I picked up this book a few years ago, but never got very far. I guess I just wasn't ready for that book...to make the changes in my life or give myself the benefit of the doubt that I could make those changes. I just wasn't ready. Now! I am ready. I think I have finally realized that I am WORTH the changes that I need to make. Changes in my thinking, changes in my weight, changes in my perceptions, changes in my acceptance of myself.
yep...that's a lot of work I need to get busy doing.
It's kind of scary to know that anyone reading this blog can find out (or figure out) just about everything there is to know about me. I just have to remind myself that putting all of this stuff out on the net is the reason I started this blog. I wanted to help other people going through the same challenges. I always felt (and sometimes still feel) as though I was going through all of this on my own. I felt that no one understood or can understand what it is I'm going through. With my putting all this stuff on the net, hopefully it will help others to know that they are not alone and are not the only people struggling with these issues. I have LOTS of issues, so you are NOT alone. :-) I'll update later on my progress.
By the way, I have been getting back into Curves. I've already gone twice this week, so today is my third day and I will be going right after Days of our Lives (the only soap I watch - so sue me, I have a TV show vice).
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
~ touch her waist
~ talk to her
~ share your secrets with her
~ give her your jacket
~ kiss her slowly
~ hug her
~ hold her
~ laugh with her
~ invite her somewhere
~ let her be with you when you're with your friends
~ smile with her
~ take pics with her
~ pull her onto your lap
~ when she says she loves you more, deny it
~ always hug her and say i love you when you see her
~ kiss her unexpectedly
~ hug her from behind
~ tell her shes beautiful
~ make her feel loved
~ buy her stuff; small things show that you care too...
~ txt messege just because...
~ be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you
~ Hold her close when she's cold
~ Kiss her on the tip of her nose
~When people diss her, stand up for her
~Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her
~ Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
~ When walking next to each other grab her hand.
~ Wish her sweet dreams.
~ Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
~ Take her for long walks at night.
~ Always Remind her how much you love her. You never know when she needs just a lil more love [or needs to be reminded of your love]...
I thought this was great and something we ALL need to remember. I think this is just as good for us "girls" to do as it is for our men.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
I think this saying says it all. I don't remember where I found it, but it seemed to be perfect for me with my family issues. It's not like you can change the past, but for some reason, I've been dreaming that it could have been different. Crazy, I know, but there you go.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Things I have to do today and tomorrow:
1. iron graduation robe/honor scarf
2. stitch collar into robe for graduation
3. decide if I'm coloring my hair before Saturday (color the grays)
4. work out at Curves (today and tomorrow)
5. clean living room
6. clean kitchen
7. clean bedroom
8. clean bathrooms
9. clean floors
10.hang pictures in the living room (we took them down while the contractors were replacing our siding and roof due to hail damage so they wouldn't fall off the walls)
OK, I thought I had more, but I think that's about it. I decided what I'm wearing for graduation this morning before class. I'm wearing a pair of my black slacks with one of my favorite blouses - this outfit makes me "think" I look thinner than I actually am. Too bad I have to wear a robe over it during the actual ceremony. OH well, what a price to pay. :-) I decided that I am going to wear my favorite black pumps (no hose since no one will notice anyway). It is August for goodness' sake. In regards to earrings, I will wear my pair of diamond studs in my upper holes and either gold or silver earrings in my main holes. Need to take inventory of my earrings before I make my choice.
I think that's about it...I have a list of items Hubby needs to get from the store for the cookout - we made it together last night. I bought the sodas today. We already have the water, paper plates, napkins, utensils, and plastic cups. We ordered the cake last night - Hubby will pick that up on Friday on his way to the restaurant to set up while I'm getting my nails done (I already set his alarm to remind him - per his request).
I'm done!!! I did it!!! I have officially finished college!! I'm crying right now. It has finally hit me. I can't believe it. I am graduating Saturday with honors. I have finally finished something I've started instead of quitting because I'm afraid to fail and let everyone down - afraid to let myself down. WOOHOO!!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Two weekends ago, we went to my mom's to help move her dad into her house. It was his birthday that weekend. We celebrated his birthday while we were there. I brought my mom her birthday gift because her birthday is the 7th, and I knew we wouldn't be back up there that weekend. Graduation is the 12th, and I knew they were coming down. I took my mom's gift because she would have been royally pissed and hurt if she opened it late. I sent her birthday card to her this week, and she got it yesterday. Still 3 days before her birthday.
Since this is her "birthday weekend", they have plans to do something every day. Today, they were going to the horse races. Mom complained because I wasn't there. She mentioned the tea set I got her, but was disappointed because I wasn't there this weekend. I told her we were there two weekends ago and she will be here next weekend. She said it wasn't the same. I reminded her that she got her gift early because I knew we wouldn't be there and that she already had her card. It didn't matter. I asked her if Bro was there and she said that's beside the point because I'm only 4 hours away (Bro lives in CA). I said it did matter because I was just there, gave her her gift, and made sure her card was early. Jokingly, I told her I no longer meant what the card said, and she laughed and said that she didn't believe I meant it when she got it. That's a fine how do you do. Anyway, she laughed, I told her I was hanging up (and did so). That was around 9:45 this morning, and I haven't heard from her since.
Just goes to show, I can't do anything right and G can't do anything wrong. I'm so sick of the same ole bullshit. It frustrates the hell out of me. I do my best to make sure mom is happy. You know what? I give up. I kind of wish they weren't even coming down for my graduation. I know I'm going to feel as though I have to make sure they are catered to even though it's my big day. WHATEVER!!! I've decided to not call mom. See how long it takes her to call me. I'll be waiting forever (I've done this before), trust me, I know. Plus, she has a friend coming in on Tuesday that will be coming with her to my graduation and both her parents live with her. She's gonna be busy - so I don't want to bother her with a phone call when she could be doing something else. Yeah, yeah, I know - sounds like I'm still a bit upset about all of this. I haven't really been stewing over it all day - just off and on all day. I feel like such a loser sometimes especially when it comes to my family. Oh well.
Thank God for Hubby's family. They are being so sweet regarding my graduation. They have offered us the use of their restaurant for my party and they're planning on making the majority of the food. We offered to pay for some of it, but they want us to enjoy and not worry about a thing. Why can't my family be that way? They didn't even want to throw a party for me. Can you believe it? I had to ask them about a party then mom had the nerve to tell me I should throw one for myself. Yeah, right. Loser of a family, and I'm stuck right in the damn middle.
Friday, August 04, 2006
To celebrate my graduation from college, we are having a cookout with family and friends at a Thai restaurant that my in-laws own. We will be making steaks, hamburgers, hot dogs, eggrolls, pad thai, chicken fried rice, chicken and broccoli, and a few other dishes along with cake.
We have about 35 people coming to celebrate. As a graduation gift, my parents gave us a cruise. To learn about this gift, please read my posts titled "Home from Cruise" and "Good things about Cruise" dated March 14.
So those are the celebration plans. I don't think Hubby has anything special planned on top of that, but I know he's proud of me and loves me. I need to quit expecting more out of people than they are willing or able to give....I'm learning. :-)
I'm currently trying to figure out what to wear next weekend. Do I want to wear pants, do I want to buy a dress? Will I be comfortable in a dress since I haven't worn one in a few years? I guess I could go out and buy myself a new outfit (even a pant outfit) to wear. That would still be kind of special. I need to figure this out quick.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Ok, so I had a VERY strange dream regarding graduation. First of all, I need to back track a bit so you understand why all of this stuff was in my head….
My husband used a program last night to show anyplace on earth from a satellite. Well, he showed me the
I dreamed I was graduating from college. The ceremony was in the church (the building I grew up in not its current location). The pastor I grew up with was there. When they called my name, they called my maiden name (spelled incorrectly on the program and the diploma), and they had a desk accessory (for a pen) with a copy of the diploma etched into it with a picture of the graduate and their family for each graduate. Well, the picture they had on mine was not of my family, but of people that were neighbors of ours in the house Hubby showed me last night. You can tell that they weren’t my family because we are not of the same ethnicity. It seems it was the first picture they had of me (it was the last picture on a roll) and they didn’t bother to look at any of the pictures to see which one was my family.
Crazy dream. I’m tellin’ ya. Obviously, I have graduation on the brain. J I wonder why? A week and a half. Can’t wait.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I'm trying to keep the excitement at bay knowing that I will be graduating from college in just a week and a half. August 12 is the big day!! I am so excited.
I am trying to continue doing well in my last class instead of giving up and not really caring because all I have to do is pass the class. :-) This one is remarkably hard at the moment, but I'm trying.
Anyway...I'm trying. That's got to count for something, doesn't it?