Thursday, September 04, 2008

New Blog

I couldn't get this blog to work right after trying for a few weeks. I finally got too frustrated to continue trying. I have started a new blog. It is also named I Struggle and Emerge but it has a different web address which you can find HERE.

I don't want to lose any of my readers, so please change your link to my new website. It is up and running and will soon have my blogroll in the sidebar.

I look forward to seeing you at my new location. Until later...

Blogger Problems

For some reason, I am currently having major problems with Blogger. I am unable to move any items around my page. I also cannot seem to add back my blogroll.

I deleted my blogroll because I was going to put it in a different format. Now I cannot get it back on my page. AT ALL! I'm so frustrated.

Right now, I can't even change the colors on my page or change anything except the template. How frustrating! I'm hoping this will be rectified soon. I don't know how to change it. Please be patient with my blog while I try to rectify these problems. I'd hate to have to start all over again in order to get everything back on my page the way it should be. It may come down to that, though.

I have saved all the links on my blogroll as well as added a few more. I will get those up soon or I will make a new blog. Again, please be patient. I'm trying!

Until later...

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

POST # 444

I cannot believe that I have now posted 444 times. Dude, that's a LOT!

Thanks so much to all of you for your support and kind words after my last post. You all mean the world to me. By the way...did you notice the "Nice Matters" award on my sidebar? I was given that by In the Gutter. Wasn't that sweet of her? I haven't received an award before and I was extremely touched. Thank-you!

In other news, I received a fantastic phone call from my nephew, W. He called to thank us for sending him a gift card for his birthday. That was so sweet! I LOVED talking to him. He's now 9. I can't believe it. He's getting so big. He's definitely not a little boy anymore.

I will be away from the computer from tomorrow morning until late Sunday night. We will be going to Chicago. We will be seeing the Blue Man Group Friday night and Wicked Saturday afternoon. We are extremely excited about both events. We will get into Chicago early tomorrow afternoon and will not leave until early afternoon on Sunday. I can't wait. I'm not even packed yet. Sad, I know. Usually, I'm already done; but I've been so busy these past few weeks that it doesn't even seem possible that our trip starts tomorrow. I worked this past Saturday from 8 a.m. until 1:45 p.m. then again from 5:15 p.m. until 11:15 p.m. It was one LOOOONG day and I'm so glad it's over.

I have now finished reading the Tori Spelling book, and the Alison Sweeney book. I'm currently in the middle of Valerie Bertinelli's book. Very interesting read. This will be the first vacation in about 6 years that we won't be taking computers with us. I am also not taking any books with me which will also be a first. We are just going to enjoy ourselves and chill for a bit. We both need that after this past month.

I guess I really need to get busy packing. I hope y'all have a great remainder of the week, fantastic weekend, and amazing Labor Day holiday.

By the way, as you can see, I'm in the process of updating and changing around my blog design. Please be patient, I'm not done yet. :-) I've also decided that I am no longer going to be adding labels to the bottom of my posts. I've realized that I don't really go back to look at my old posts. Maybe I need to. Do y'all use my labels to get to an earlier post? Let me know and I may have to bring it back. Thanks!

Until later...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's Been a While

Okay, time has just slipped by unnoticed. I guess I just needed to take some time, chill, take stock, and realize what's most important to me. I've been keeping myself busy reading and recently watching the Olympics.

I've come to realize the following things:
1) Reading is definitely the one thing that keeps me sane and relaxed no matter what's going on.
2) I've learned all I can from the family I was born to and it's time for me to move on and stop living to meet their expectations and demands. I need to live up to my own. I know I've said this before, but it seems that I mean it now and I'm ready to actually live up to this.
3) The family I've chosen is becoming MUCH more important to me than the family I was born to. AND I seem more important to them than to the family I was born to.
4) My grandma will ALWAYS be my rock. She always has been. Growing up, she was the ONE person I knew loved me unconditionally. She was always there for me. She was always on my side.
5) I've realized that both of my parents are extremely selfish. They don't care about anyone but themselves. They're under the impression that everyone else needs to bend over backwards to meet their needs and fit into their schedule.
6) It's NOT up to me to keep my family together or close. I'm the child in this scenario. It's the parent's job to make sure everything runs smoothly and stays close or at least help keep it all together. Not mine! It's way too much in this family for me to do alone.
7) I'm done!

I've been hurt enough and I don't have to put up with it. The saddest part is that I'm still hurt by all of it. So much so that I could rattle off the things they've done to hurt me or show me that I'm not as important to them as G. That's sad and PATHETIC! I really need to figure out how to let it all go.

I've decided that I'm not going to be the one that is ALWAYS calling. I'm going to back off and let them call. See how long it takes them to call me. I started this last Friday. Mom called Sunday saying that she missed talking to me every day. That's right. I called her every day. What's worse, I called her more than once each day.

This past weekend also proved to me that Mom can have a good birthday without me having to be there. We were going to go up there, but with everything going on; with the way she's treating Grandma (which is the way she treats me), I decided that I was going to take care of me and do what was best for me - which was to stay home and not give in to my mom's selfish ways and demands.

I told her on Friday that I was no longer going to be calling her while I'm driving. That was usually when I would call and talk to her. Always! She doesn't like it when I talk to her on the phone while I'm driving, so it gave me the perfect reason to stop calling all the time. I also told her Friday that I took her phone number out of my speed dial so I wouldn't call automatically when I get behind the wheel. That's always what I did. It was just automatic. When we talked on Sunday, she said she had a really good birthday.

That's the last time I talked to her.

I've decided to do a 100 push-up challenge. It's a six-week program that will have you doing 100 push-ups by the end of the program. If you'd like to know about the 100 push-up challenge I've started, check out my other blog here

I've been doing a LOT of reading lately. I'm actually in the middle of 4 books right now and I just finished one yesterday.

I'm currently reading the following:
The Meditteranean Diet - This is all about the science behind eating like the Meditteranean countries. Very interesting and eye opening. I really need to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet.
sTORI TELLING - This book is amazing. I'm really surprised at all the things that have been said in the tabloids and actually finding out the truth behind them. I have to say, though, that the problems I have with my mom are not quite as bad as those Tori has wtih hers. In some regards, they are extremely close, thought. My family, like Tori's, is all about the non-confrontation and not talking about our feelings or anything else of importance.
Labyrinth - I'm about halfway through this book. Incredibly interesting. It goes back and forth between the present and the past. I haven't figured it all out yet, but the girl's name in the past is Alayce while the girl in the present is named Alice. Alice has dreams about Alayce. In these dreams, it's as though she is Alayce. Very good read. Three Secrets, Two Women, One Grail. I'm looking forward to getting back into this book.
The Historian - this book is written in the first person. It really draws you in. It's about a girl who is on a quest, reaching through the past five centuries, for the historical Vlad the Impaler. Very interesting read.

I've really been sucked into autobiographies of stars lately.

I've just finished All the Days of My Life (So Far) - if you like Days of Our Lives or if you just wonder what the life of a soap star is like, this is a great book. I read it in 3 days.

I've also started Terri Hatcher's book. I actually started this a while ago, put it down, got involved in school and work, and haven't picked it back up again. I really need to rectify that. The book was very interesting up to the point that I put it down.

I'll probably finish the Terri Hatcher book before the rest on the list above. After the Tori Spelling book that I'm reading right now. She's really got me hooked. That's what I get for listening to a co-worker that her show is great and shows her as a "real" person. She was right. I've watched all the damn episodes since then and now can't put down her book.

I also have Wynonna Judd's book. I'll proably read this one after I finish Terri Hatcher's. I've really been wanting to read them. I really haven't been in the mood to read romance novels lately. I guess I've just read so many of them, that I needed a break. I also like to learn new things and felt I have been stifling myself by sticking to just one genre of reading especially when I really like to read about a LOT of different subjects.

Oh, I almost forgot. I bought a digital camera online. I LOVE it! It's a Casio EXILIM . I love this camera. Wait, I already said that. I wanted a cameral small enough to fit in my purse or pocket. It seems that whenever I found something I wanted to take a picture of, I didn't have my camera with me. Our other camera is bigger, bulkier, and heavier. This camera is perfect for me and for what I want to do with it. I've been taking pictures like crazy! I've deleted about half of them, but that's okay, too. I've gotten some REALLY good shots (for me).

I need to figure out how to download them and post them to my blog so you can see them. I think I've been visiting TysGirl's blog too long. She got me thinking that I should take pictures of what I love. Mine are no where near the quality of hers (and no, I'm not just being modest). My camera can't even do half the things hers can do. Actually, I don't know what it can do. I read the booklet, but only half of it even made sense to me. I don't need to take gorgeous shots. As long as they mean something to me. That's all that really matters.

I hope y'all are doing great! Have a great remainder of the week. Happy Hump Day!!! Until later...

Friday, August 01, 2008

50 Things About Me...

I found this meme on Amanda's blog (I Know, Right? - listed on the right hand sidebar).

1. Do you like blue cheese? yes

2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? nope

3. Do you own a gun? Nope

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I switch between cherry, vanilla, and chocolate

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? It depends on the doctor I’m going to see.

6. Do you like hot-dogs? Yep. I crave them every once in a while

7. Favorite Christmas Song? It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Iced Coffee

9. Can you do push-ups? Not very many

10. What’s your favorite meal? Bellacino’s nachos

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My grandmother’s diamond solitaire and the ruby/diamond ring H gave me as my engagement ring

12. Favorite hobby? Reading

13. Do you work with people who idolize you? Doubtful

14. Name a trait that you hate about yourself: I’m lazy

15. Name a trait that you like about yourself: I’m trusting

16. Middle name? Lynn

17. Name 3 thoughts at this moment: I should have gotten my allergy shots this week. I have a headache. Can’t wait to catch up on my TV watching.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: Drano, blue blouse, Breathe Rights

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coke Zero, Diet Dr. Pepper, Iced Coffee

20. Current worry right now? Whether I can or should cut my parents out of my life.

21. Current hate right now? The way my parents are treating my grandmother (goes with #20)

22. Favorite place to be? With my family (the one I’ve chosen not necessarily the one I was born into)

23. How did you bring in New Years? Watched movies

24. Favorite place to go? Ocean

25. Name three people who will complete this? No clue.

26. Whose answer do you want to read the most? Anyone who will do this

27. What color shirt are you wearing? Navy

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Nope, too slippery

29. Can you whistle? Yes

30. Favorite color(s)? red, pink, purple (to wear: black, blue, brown)

31. Would you be a pirate? Definitely you lily livered land lover

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower

33. Favorite girl’s name? Cassidy Lynnette

34. Favorite boy’s name? Kyle Chandler

35. What’s in your pocket right now? lint

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Last Comic Standing (watched last night)

37. Bed sheets as a child? Yes, but it was so long ago I don’t remember what kind. I do remember having a canopy bed and Holly Hobbie bedding

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Got my index finger crushed in a car door

39. Do you love where you live? I love the town, but I wouldn’t be upset with a slightly bigger house.

40. How many tv’s are in your house? Two but only one is plugged in

41. Who is your loudest friend? Jeremy (Yahkin)

42. How many dogs do you have? 1 Bichon Frise

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Not that I’m aware of

45. What is your favorite book? The Harry Potter series (I think I’ve read each of them 5 times already)

46. What is your favorite candy? Dark chocolate and Butterfingers

47. What is your favorite sports team? Nashville Predators; Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Amazing Grace on bagpipes

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Trying to fall asleep and wondering when I would finally sleep

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? I don’t want to get up yet

If you decide to complete this meme, please let me know. I would LOVE to read your answers.

Until later...

One More Strike and You're OUT!!!

Yes, I said it. One more strike and you're out! In case you had no clue, I'm talking about my mom here. Since I am at work, I really can't go into the latest atrocity; but know that I will sometime between now and Sunday night. Sadly, the woman didn't even do anything to me this time, but to her own mother. Which is why I'm giving her one more chance with me. After that, I'm DONE! As hard as that will be, I will try my damndest to swallow the guilt and stick to my guns. She has done pretty much nothing but hurt me for the past 5 years (always being one huge thing a year). I realized yesterday that I really don't have to take her crap. She can be who she is and I love her because she is my mom, but I don't have to put up with her negativity or dark aura in my life. I say "dark aura" because after every conversation I have with her or after being anywhere near her, I feel a huge weight on my shoulders and never come away from her feeling anything positive. It's all negativity from her.

In short, she got upset at her mom. Who happens to be living with my parents. She's making this poor old woman feel unwanted in the place she lives. Grandma will tell you that my mom's friend (who moved to town a year ago) is a bad influence and that mom kept most of her negativity in check until her BFF moved to town. Grandma has had enough. She's ready to pack up her things and find another place to live. I will definitely go into more detail later. I just needed to take the edge off a bit before I blow.

Thank God it's FRIDAY!!!

Until later...

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Week in Review

Thursday night - the 17th - I found out that we were definitely going to have guests in our home, a married couple (Trey and Candace), their little baby girl (Reagan), and a single guy (Scott). I had a major panic attack and cried.

Friday - I had to go to work, but I asked for half the day off so I could get the house in order for our guests. I had another panic attack and bitched about the guests to the people at work. They could NOT believe that H did that to me. Neither could I. Thankfully, I was able to get everything done before they got here.

Saturday - pool party at a friend's house. We took one of the guests that were staying with us while the family of three met with family members that came to town to meet them. They were leaving Sunday afternoon to go back home.

Sunday - went to the dam to fish, swim, and just hang out. We went to Dave and Buster's for dinner and went to see Batman - The Dark Knight at IMAX at 10:00 that night. Awesome movie!!! I will have to see this movie again.

Monday - went to the lake. Spent the day sunning, fishing, and just hanging out. The whole group (those staying at our house as well as 8 others) came to our house to play Rock Band, drinking, and Kabooki.

Tuesday - went to the Nashville Zoo; to the in-laws restaurant for lunch; then back to Dave and Buster's. While the guys played games, Candace and I took Reagan around the mall.

Wednesday - went to Mammoth Caves. Massive climbing up and down in slippery terrain. On the way home, we stopped at a hole in the wall place in the area and had a great dinner.

Thursday - we went to the Belle meade Plantation and had lunch at the Loveless Cafe. The group came back over to our house for more Rockband and drinking.

Friday - we chilled for the majority of this day. We took Trey, Candace and Scott to a local burger joint and met another friend there. Trey, Candace, and Reagan had dinner that night with family. H and Scott went to one of the group's house for a cookout and movies. I stayed home, relaxed, did a little cleaning, and caught up on some of my TV shows from the week.

Today - we went out to breakfast and the group has left. We are worn out and tired.

I am looking forward to getting everything back on track next week. I am also going to get back into making healthier choices the majority of the time. I kind of let that fall by the wayside a bit this past week.

Until later...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Hubby is a Dumb Ass

Yep, I said it. The man has invited strangers to stay in our house the whole week we're both home from work. No relaxation for us going on any time soon. Damn it! He's kind of ticked off at me for the moment because I keep bringing this up and making him feel bad. He SHOULD feel bad. I was looking forward to having a week of relaxation. He doesn't understand that I now have to play hostess to people while I'm on my vacation. He doesn't realize that even if he tells me he's going to take care of everything, he'll never take care of it the way I would and that I'm still going to stress about it. I've already had 2 panic attacks over this whole thing within 24 hours. That's not good. I am feeling a bit better about this, but that's not the point. :-)

Good thing he's taking me to see Wicked next month and we're going to San Francisco in December. I'm really looking forward to both of those trips.

In his defense, we know people that know these people. H talks with them every week through Ventrillow while they all play WoW together. There is a family of 3, the third being an 11-month old little girl. There is also a single male. We met them all at IHOP last night and had dinner with them and our mutual friends. I may not be blogging any time this week, but I will be trying to keep up with all the blogs I read.

We are going to a friend's house this afternoon for a swimming party. There is a "block party" that our mutual friends last night told us about. I'm not too thrilled about it. I'm NOT old, damn it! I'm just not a partier and due to allergies, I really can't be around smoking for any length of time.

Tomorrow, we're going to the lake. the guys have decided that they want to do some noodling. Yep, that's right. I'm picuring the scene from Mulan where they are in training and they try this and a guy ends up being pulled into the water by his foot. I think while the guys are doing this, the women are going to be sun bathing.

Tomorrow night, we are all going to see Batman, the Dark Knight, at Imax at 10:30. I am so going to need a nap sometime tomorrow. Okay, maybe I'm a little old.

As far as I know, we have no plans for Monday yet, unless we're doing more noodling.

Tuesday, we're going to the Nashville Zoo. We're going to pick up K and K2 and take them with us. They love the animals.

Wednesday, we're going to Mammoth Caves. I'm looking forward to this. I haven't been here since I was 14.

Thursday, we're going to Belle Meade Plantation.

Friday is open and everyone is leaving Saturday morning after breakfast.

I'm telling you all of this so you'll have a general idea of where to look for me if I go missing.

On another note, K2 is walking all over the place now. Last weekend she was 50/50 with walking and crawling. Now she's all about the walking. Her favorite toy at the moment is the Nunchuk for the Nintendo Wii. She holds that thing in her had and drags the cord behind her everywhere she goes (including up the stairs).

I hope y'all have a great week. Until later...

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Frustrations with Weight

I've been frustrated lately because I'm stuck and no longer losing. Grant it, I'm not really watching what I eat. Well, I am, but I watch it go from my plate to my mouth. I've gained a few pounds back (less than 5). I've been doing this for quite some time. Fine, I've been doing this since about March. Five pounds isn't that bad for that time frame.

I've realized a few things in this frustrating time...

It doesn't matter if I reach my goals [meaning the set in stone, lose 'x' amount of pounds goals] as long as I'm working toward them on a pretty consistent basis. I may not always be able to work out (I have problems with my hips and knees due to arthritis). I can't beat myself up for that. It's going to happen. That's all part of my life and that's okay.

You can't beat yourself up over not reaching a goal either. We're working toward our goals. [It's a process] We should be extremely proud of ourselves for that no matter what the outcome. If we're striving for our goals more days than we aren't, we've accomplished something HUGE - something we haven't done before! Be proud of it. Congratulate yourself. You deserve it. You ARE worth it and you CAN do this. We all can!

It's nice to remind ourselves sometimes that life is just life. Things will come up that we don't expect and we're going to have to go with the flow. That's okay. We really need to be proud of ourselves for what we've already accomplished instead of only remembering the one piece of dessert we really shouldn't have had. Okay, fine, the three we shouldn't have had AFTER the one. Whatever! We tend to tune into the bad and negative things we are doing instead of realizing how much better we're doing on a daily, more consistent basis.

I think we get so used to the changes that we've made, that we forget just how far we've come. Yeah, we may slip occassionally and that's okay. We're human. It's going to happen. We need to accept that, learn from it, and move on. Don't beat yourself up over it. I can't beat myself up for it either. Instead of getting upset because of a dessert, remind yourself that you used to eat two or three (the whole thing? Whatever). You're still making progress. Celebrate that! Remember that! Be proud of THAT!

I know I've come a long way. I had to stop and take a break after walking just a few feet. I couldn't cross my legs. I couldn't paint my toenails without having to sit up straight for air after every two toes. I had to stop and take a break after playing with my nephew for about 5 minutes. I wore a size 16 top and 18-20 pants.

Those things are all history! I've come a long way. I'm proud of me and need to remember that and embrace the person I am NOW!

Until later...