Thoughts dated 6/6 Continued (6/7/05)

But every member should be loved and appreciated for who they are no matter what their thoughts, beliefs, station in life, or stage in life. I really enjoyed Siddhartha. I’m going to reread it after I graduate or when I have more time to let its truths sink in. This book showed me that everyone is on a journey. In a way it’s the same journey but in another way it’s a different journey because people could be looking for the same things, but are looking for those things in different ways. Some reach the destination they intend, but the majority of people do not reach the destination they intended or happiness they are looking for.

I am looking for completeness. I feel that there is something missing, but I can’t put my finger on it so I am searching different avenues in regards to “religion”. I do not believe completely in any one organized religion. So I am looking at different things to incorporate into my belief system. Not incorporating things into my beliefs but finding the words to express my beliefs. Or trying to find which religion most closely resembles my beliefs or thoughts. That’s what I’m trying to do, I think. It’s really hard to put into words what I am trying to accomplish in my life or why I am taking this class. I’m trying to open my mind, yet I feel that I am trying to hang on to the “Christian” God and I think it’s because I am so used to thinking of a deity in that way. Sometimes I just feel confused.

I look at things in a completely different way than anyone in my family and I wonder what makes my thinking so different. I need to just accept that it is the way it is, be content, and move on. It amazes me how close-minded people can be, and then I realize they are on their journey. I am on mine. I think this class will help me realize and accept this concept (thought) even more and will hopefully open my mind further to other ways of thought and living. I tend to schedule everything while my husband tries to get me to go with the flow. His family is always changing whatever plans we’ve made together and I get bent out of shape because I anticipate and look forward to whatever was planned instead of just enjoying the time we spend together no matter what we may do.