8/16/04

We found out today that Ha has lost the baby. She went to the doctor today and found that the baby doesn't have a heartbeat. Hubby and I have decided to spend tonight at their house so we can watch K together while Ot and Ha go to the hospital for a DNC tomorrow. We are both heartbroken. We were so looking forward to this baby. If Hubby and I are feeling this bad, I cannot imagine how badly Ot and Ha must feel right now.

I called my mom so she could pray for the family during this time. For some reason, I never feel better after I talk to mom about anything that bothers me. She makes me feel frustrated – with her, not necessarily the situation. I can't believe the difference I feel when I talk to mom as opposed to talking to Hubby about bad things or things that are bugging me. It's amazing.

Life just doesn't seem fair. Hubby and I can't have kids. Ot and Ha have lost a baby. I have a family I don't feel comfortable talking to about anything important. And my family has no idea who I am or how to understand me.

What a crazy, mixed up life.