Family Frustrations (6/11/04)

Today, I spoke to my parents a little bit about the way I feel regarding Brother, Sis-in-law, and their children. I told them that I feel that Hubby and I are not given the opportunity to get to know their kids because we are not close enough to see them as often as we would like and on top of that, Bro and BroWife do not even send us pictures so we can at least see the kids as they grow. Mom said I should talk to Bro about it. I told her that Bro didn’t care. She and dad said that I shouldn’t feel that way and that he did care. I told them that I have felt he didn’t care for a long time. I told them that I have tried to get closer to BroWife by calling her and writing her little cards to let her know that I was thinking of her and that I haven’t had a thank-you or a response of any kind. I understand that they do not have a lot of money to make sure everyone gets a lot of pictures of the kids, but I am sure that her family, including her brothers, gets more than one wallet size photo. That is all Hubby and I get (one wallet to share between the two of us). I would be happy with a 3X5 or a 5X7. Anything that could be framed would be a great improvement. I know, too, that they do not have a lot of money to phone all the time, but a phone call every once in a while would be appreciated. I’m sure she calls her brothers and parents, but she cannot take a few minutes to call me. She leaves the calling to me. I am getting to the point where I am tired of trying to reach out and connect with them. It doesn’t seem to do any good for me to extend myself to them. It isn’t appreciated or even reciprocated. Why am I even trying? All I get for my effort is pain and hurt because I realize that they do not care to be close to us. I wish that W, D, and B knew us the way K does.

I wish the kids knew how much we love them as K does. What’s worse is that Bro is planning on moving back to California and taking his family with him. Then we will probably never see him or his children again. Needless to say, I cried on the way home today. I just want a family that loves me no matter what.

I always felt that my family was judgmental. I have always been afraid that no matter what I do, if I do something wrong, they will stop loving me. I have come to grips with my parents, but Bro is an even bigger judge than my parents ever were. Anyway, Bro and I haven’t been nearly as close as we were before I went to Pensacola. It seems we have done nothing but move further and further apart ever since I went to college right out of high school. It seems he realized while I was away at college that he didn't need me anymore. Hubby and I don't even get a thank-you from Bro's kids when we send them gift cards to pick out their own toys at Toys 'R' Us for their birthdays. I hear from my parents that the kids LOVE getting the gift cards but the only reason I know what D got with his gift card this year was because mom told me. I never heard anything from G(Bro) and M(BroWife) about it.

G has really disappointed me. I guess that since we were so close growing up that I expected we would always be close. My going away to college right after high school seemed to show G that he didn't need me in his life. I need to come to terms with the fact that G and I will probably never be close again. I miss our friendship. We used to be able to talk about everything. Now, it's like pulling teeth to talk to him about anything. All he does now is get upset and frustrated when we talk and then he hurts my feelings, makes me upset, and frustrates me. I give up. I feel that G has decided that I am not worth his time, effort, energy, or love. He's missing out on a great friend. I have a lot of experience in things that he could never imagine. Things of the heart, things that I have kept inside, frustrations, and disappointments are all things that I could discuss with G and maybe pave the way for G to be able to deal with these things if they were ever to come up with his children; but he refuses to give me a chance. I guess with G it's "out of sight, out of mind".