Sunday, October 02, 2005

Dated 11/29/01 - My how I have changed

Today is Thursday. It is raining and overcast outside. I am sitting at my desk at work, and I am wearing my San Francisco sweater with a pair of jeans. I am chewing gum and listening to Faith Hill sing “This Kiss” on my MP3 player.

I have been looking through a body and spirit magazine talking about holistic living. Sounds pretty interesting. I even dog-eared a few pages because I want to look over it all again later. Thinking about incorporating some of it into my life. I feel that I need some kind of positive change in my life. I will be 33 years old in about two weeks. I think I am finally ready for my journey of discovering me to begin. I have actually started it prior to this. Hubby has been a tremendous help in that regard. He has helped me face a lot of the pain of the past and I am doing a good job. I was going to say I’m starting to feel better about myself, but I am doing a good job. I’m going to try to put my true self into everything that I do – which means, I need to realize and think about what I am going to say before I say it. I want to stop using words that I don’t mean – curse words and lies, especially. I am going to send this to the house so that I can work on it more tonight.

Acuna Matata just came on the MP3. No worries, I like that. I’m starting to include that in my life and just take life as it comes and enjoy it as much as possible. Some days it’s easier than other days. I have been doing well on Weight Watchers, I could do better, but I get lazy and tend to use food as a crutch for my moods. I am going to stop before I eat things and ask myself why I want whatever it is. If it is because I am sad or bored, I will do something else to make me happy and give me something to do. I have plenty of hobbies at the house that I have started and have given up. I think I’ll pick some of those back up. Keeping my hands and mind busy will keep my thoughts off food. Hubby has also moved one of the exercycles into the living room. I think I’ll give that a shot, too. Exercise is always good. I would like to do more things in life, have a more active life. I need to get away from the TV. Tonight would be a good time to start since Hubby will be at school until 8 or 9. I also need to start cleaning the house more often instead of leaving it to Hubby to do. I have really taken him for granted and I need to take some of the stress and pressure and daily grind off him and start picking it up myself. I stopped because I felt that I couldn’t do anything right, but now it’s more because I’m lazy and have gotten into the habit of letting things go until Hubby does it himself. That is so wrong of me. I ‘m going to work on that as well.

No comments: