How do you get rid of Western fear to accept the Asian way of thinking? I know it’s my fear holding me back, but I do not know how to conquer it. It’s hard to put my fear into words. I think I’m afraid of angering God (the Christian deity) by accepting the Asian philosophy. But the Asian philosophy makes so much sense. How much do I believe that it doesn’t matter what you believe only that you believe? Do I believe it enough to think of Christianity in a different way? Do I believe it enough to risk the afterlife? Asian thinking has been around longer than Christianity. More people believe the Asian philosophy than in Christianity. Do I think “God” will condemn them all to “hell” because they believe in Asian thought? No! Do I think my afterlife “soul” is more important than theirs? No! So why can’t I get rid of my fear and accept their way of thought? Am I still afraid of what others, specifically my family, will think? Should I let their judgments keep me from a fulfilled, happy life? No!
It amazes me how Hubby thinks. He does not consider himself to be a Buddhist or part of any other religion, yet what we’ve talked about in class is pretty much how he feels about life. Last night, he even used the analogy of the river to explain how life flows which is what I got from Siddhartha. Amazing! I have questioned religion my entire life. I don’t think any one religion is right or better than any other, so why can’t I accept another religion for myself? Why am I stuck in this rut? FEAR! I’ve got to get over that fear. Do you get over it by ignoring it? Hoping it will go away? How do you train yourself to accept another way of thought? Is it like a habit where the more you do it, the easier and more natural it becomes? Maybe that’s how I need to approach this (as a habit). Will I conquer my fear that way? There's only one way to find out. I need to try and see what happens. I need to retrain my brain and thought process.
I asked about the retraining of the brain in order to accept Asian thought in class today. He stated that a person would need a yogi for that. I don’t know that I am ready for that step yet. It is probably my fear talking. I think I would like to know more about Asian thought before I delve in completely. Maybe this class will give me the answers that I seek. Maybe it will help me figure out the questions I either don’t know how to ask or I am afraid to ask (of others as well as myself). I know this is all part of my path. I think I’m wanting to see farther down the road before I get there to determine if I want to continue. Instead of thinking about it, I need to just continue on my path and see where it leads me.
I don’t know how to verbalize (write) how I feel right now. I want to say that I feel confused, but I’m not sure that’s the right term to use. I feel lost to a degree. I feel like I am missing something I should know but I am not sure what that is. I guess I’m just in turmoil. I have been seeking something for the past few years, but I don’t know what I am seeking exactly. If I don’t know what I’m seeking, will I know it when I find it? I am looking forward to my meditation today. I did well yesterday concentrating on my breathing and saying “ohm”. I kept hearing the clock tick. I’m thinking about putting in earplugs to drown out all noise, but aren’t I supposed to do that on my own through meditation? Earplugs seem to be cheating to me or taking a short cut. Maybe I’m just thinking too deeply and too hard about all of this. I need to just take it as it comes.
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