Happy Hump Day!!

Unbelievable! I’m actually posting a “Happy Hump Day” post ON hump day. I think it’s been – what? – 3 weeks since I have gotten it right. Don’t get me wrong, I have actually posted on Wednesday, but I have forgotten all about needing to write a “Happy Hump Day” post until Thursday.

On with the list of things I’m thankful for this week:

1. My job (I really do love what I do)
2. All the wonderful people I’ve met in the blogosphere.
3. My niece and nephew that live close by
4. My last living set of grandparents (maternal)
5. My in-laws
6. My dog
7. My crazy ass family – all of them (I swear, just some days more than others)
8. The majority of the people I work with (sometimes SUB, too – depending on the day)
9. The home H and I co-own with the bank
10. Our big back yard (never had one growing up)
11. The love of a VERY good man who accepts me no matter what (I’m talking abut H here in case you’re wondering)
12. I have REACHED my 10% weight loss goal. That’s right! Over the Thanksgiving holiday. WooHoo! I lost 2.6 pounds since our last meeting bringing my total weight loss to 19.6 pounds. My 10% goal was 19 pounds, so I’ve actually surpassed my first goal. Yeah for me!

Y’all, I made my 10% goal. You have no idea how huge that is for me. 19 pounds seemed like an insurmountable goal to me 12 weeks ago. Today it is a reality. I can’t explain the enormity of this for me and my life.

Let me tell you the background behind this accomplishment. Growing up, I was always thin. I had no problem with weight. I watched my mom constantly struggle with her weight, seeing her on one crash diet after another, and seeing the emotional toll the whole process had on her and her self-esteem. I saw her weight go up and then down with each diet. I also saw that once she was off the diet, she gained back more weight than she had when she started said diet (whichever one it happened to be that time).

I also heard growing up that I cannot always continue to eat the way I was and expect to stay thin. I’d hear this from my mom and paternal grandmother all the time. You see, I was eating candy bars almost every day for lunch (mostly Snickers, Mars bars, and Whatchamacallits – I’d have 2-3 a day for lunch plus 1 as a snack later in the day). Mom kept saying when I hit 30, it would all catch up to me.

As most of you have read, I was in an emotionally damaging relationship for 5 ½ years. Since I had no one to turn to or talk to about the situation, I turned to food. I gained about 15 pounds during that time, but before the relationship ended, I had lost it all (plus a little more) and had gotten back down to a size 8 (about where I was when I graduated high school). After meeting H, I transferred into another department at work (a warehouse environment) where I was sexually harassed and received a lot of unwanted and unfamiliar comments from the men I worked with. This really messed with my self-confidence because I became afraid and old fears came clawing back to the surface (from childhood trauma when I was 4 – paternal grandfather). Because I was afraid, I tried to hide myself from everyone’s view and ate my way into oblivion (no one really sees you or notices you when you’re fat – if you don’t believe me, gain weight and see how many people pay attention to you or even try to make eye contact with you. Sadly, eye contact is pretty much non-existent at that point).

Three years after getting out of that environment, I decided to lose the weight I gained. That was all well and good. The problem was that I really had no reference when it came to losing weight. Yes, I did it once, but it wasn't that much and I really don’t remember how I did it. It just kind of happened. I started feeling better about me and figuring out what I really wanted out of life (which...HELLO...was NOT that relationship). Since I didn’t grow up having a weight problem, I had no real personal experience with losing weight (especially a lot of weight). In the past, I might gain a pound here, two pounds there, but if I skipped a meal the next day, I was always right back where I should be.

I tried losing the weight on my own and it didn’t work. I even tried Weight Watchers, but I got discouraged and quit. I never even hit my 10% goal at that point and it was smaller than the 10% goal I just reached. I joined Curves for a while, but my class schedule and home life made it difficult to attend regularly so I quit that, too.

A few months ago, I stepped on the scale and realized that I was at the weight I considered my “point of no return” and it scared me to death. Seeing my parents battle weight issues my entire life and seeing the toll that weight was now having on their lives, I was afraid if I were to hit “x amount” of pounds that I would not be able to get back down and my weight would then spiral out of control like my parent's weight. I did not want that to happen to me. I didn’t want K or K2 to be embarrassed to be seen in public with me as I have been on occasion with my own parents. I want to be able to keep up with them, play with them, and be there for them whenever they need me (for their entire lives).

Since stepping on that scale and realizing I was at my "point of no return" weight, I have been committed to losing this extra weight. It has been so easy for me to stick to this. It’s actually a little scary how easy this process has been for me. I'm not even craving my favorite fast foods anymore. Last week, I wanted a McRib (they've always had a special place in my heart). I got a McRib, and it was so disappointing. I haven't even been tempted by Taco Bell and I could eat there EVERY day. There were times I got discouraged because the scale didn’t reflect what I thought it should. I won’t lie about that. I have found that Weight Watcher’s Core Plan is the perfect plan for me. I think what scared me the most over Thanksgiving was that I didn’t feel like I was on a diet. With Core, I knew if I ate lean meat and veggies, I was fine and didn’t have to count points. Core has made me change my eating habits and adopt healthier eating habits which is what I wanted when I started Weight Watchers in the first place. My problem is that the Flex Plan didn’t make me change the types of foods I ate; it only made me change the amount of food I ate because I could eat anything as long as I counted the points. I can still eat anything I want as long as I count the points when I choose items that are not Core foods (up to 35 a week). With the Core plan, I am much more aware of the choices I am making and I’m realizing that Core is much easier to stick with because it is a healthier way to eat. I never feel deprived and half the time I don’t even feel like I’m on a diet. I’m just eating healthier and making better choices. The last 3 weeks I did the Flex plan, I lost about 2 pounds. The last 3 weeks I’ve been on the Core plan, I’ve lost 7 pounds. I am definitely going to stick with Core.

I really want something to mark my 10% accomplishment. Something I can look back on or look at and say, this is what I got for reaching my 10% goal. I want something special, tangible, and lasting (like the key ring I received last night at meeting – which I cried when I received and have teared up every time I’ve touched it). Any ideas?

Until later...