Saturday Update

Today was an extremely lazy day. H worked from yesterday morning at 8:00 until 11:00 this afternoon. Yep, I stayed in bed practically all day. The events of yesterday kept playing through my mind all day.

I checked my work mail a few minutes ago and I had an email from MB. She said that I should just start stamping the mail and not opening it. She also stated that she didn't understand why BB was having me open all the mail anyway. I understand that it can seem an invasion of privacy for someone else to open your mail. What I didn't appreciate was the way in which SUB handled the situation. It wasn't what she said; it was how she said it and the anger on her face. I put all of this in my reply to MB's email. I also let MB know that just because I open all the mail does not mean I read all the mail. I have been doing this for many years at other companies (bigger companies) and I've NEVER had the reaction I did from SUB yesterday. The bold part I did not include in my email, but the rest I did.

Another thing going through my head was the fact that SUB has gone from talking about the "golf cart episode" to talking about the fact that next Fall I "need" to get three student workers instead of two. I can't wait for the next time she says something to me about that. This fall, I DID have three students; but she had a problem with one of them and didn't want him working in our office, so now we're down to two. That's not my fault, but I don't think she remembers that. Because we weren't told who our workers were until 3 weeks before the semester started, when they took the one worker away, they had no one to replace him with. This year, they had about 30 positions that they couldn't fill with students. Hopefully, we won't have that problem next fall.

I also think I have figured out why SUB treats me the way she does. She just turned 33 this year and took a hard look at her life. She realized that all she has in her life is her job, two cats, and a nephew that lives 500 miles away. She mentioned that she wonders if she will ever find the right person to settle down and have a family with (with her attitude and personality - lots of luck!). I have those things and I've had them for the past 10 years. This means I was 28 when I married H and he is a GREAT man. What she doesn't realize is just because I don't complain about him at work, doesn't mean we haven’t had our problems.

Hell, our 10th anniversary was this past March. Did I get a gift? No! Did I get a card? No! Grant it, he had a lot going on at work and was extremely stressed (remember his hair loss episode?); but it was a BIG milestone. Did I get him a gift? Hell Yeah! Was I extremely hurt? Of course I was! Did anyone at work know about this situation? Nope! I didn't say a word to them. A few days after our anniversary, he emailed me a poem he was going to take to Kinko's to get blown up and framed. To this day, I still only have the copy I printed from his email.

She doesn't realize that he and I are both different than the people we were ten years ago. We have helped each other, smoothed each other's rough edges, and had days we both wanted to call it quits; but we didn't. In the end, we have both been really good for the other. I put a lot of work into this relationship. I haven't tried to change him in any way; he's just grown up and made some changes on his own. He laughs and smiles a whole lot more now than when I first met him. He is a lot happier, and according to him, a lot if that has to do with me and my love. Isn't that sweet? :-)

Besides the EA, I'm the only one in the office who has been in a relationship longer than 2 years. EA is somewhere in her late 50's early 60's. She may even be a little older, I'm not really sure. I understand that if you're only looking at my life from the outside it looks pretty damn good, especially since I am really good in showing people a happy face even when that is the last thing I'm feeling. She has no idea the things I have been through in my life because of my parents, brother, grandfather, sexual harassment at work, etc. over the years. In all honesty, I envy SUB the closeness of her family. I've always wanted that in my own, but it has never happened and I realize that it never will. I just have to accept them for the people they are.

Anyway, I am so going to try to not let her get to me. I wish I weren't so sensitive. I don't know how to change that, I've tried for years. I really need to find a way to work through these types of situation without getting so hurt. Maybe that's why I always end up working with one person like this. I still haven't learned to toughen up and just let go.

I'm trying. Thanks, Amanda for all your kind words and encouragement through all of this. I really appreciate your point of view and everything you've taken the time to tell me.

Anyway, so today was a pretty good day even though I got absolutely NOTHING accomplished around the house, I did get things accomplished in my head and heart.

Until later...