Emerging with Realization and Understanding

Even though I have heard from many people throughout my life that I have a lot of inner strength, I never believed it because I knew my insecurities and they didn't seem to see those. Yeah, I knew what I had been through in my life and that I survived it all (and in all honesty, the people telling me I had inner strength actually had no clue as to what I had been through), but in my mind and eyes, I came out of those situations a broken, lonely, unlovable, and deeply scarred individual. I figured that if those people only knew everything about me and my past, they would have a different view not only of my "inner strength" but also of me as a person.

I woke up this morning realizing that I have completely sold myself short. I realized and understood for the first time that I actually came out of all those situations a winner and with more strength than I or anyone else could ever understand or imagine. I survived! I made it! Not only did I make it, but I came out ahead. I came out of all that crap with my trust and faith in humanity in tact. That in itself is no small feat when you realize and understand that I learned at the age of 4 that I couldn't even trust my own family to protect me from the big bad world (hell, one of them was the Big Bad FRICKIN' Wolf). With all of that in my past and a part of who I am, I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt in EVERY situation when it comes to their actions and the motives behind their actions.

I also realized this morning that even though I have to take a DAM, I am taking the lowest dosage that is prescribed which means that I can handle the majority of EVERYTHING on my own inner strength. I only need help with the small amount I can't handle on my own. I wonder if I didn't have the chemical imbalance if I'd be able to handle all of it on my own (not that it really matters since I do have the imbalance). Actually, with everything I have been through, it's kind of amazing that I only need a small dose of my DAM. It's not a disgrace to realize that you need help in handling situations. That thought alone made me realize this morning that I am MUCH stronger than I originally thought and put a huge smile on my face.

Until later...