New Blog

I couldn't get this blog to work right after trying for a few weeks. I finally got too frustrated to continue trying. I have started a new blog. It is also named I Struggle and Emerge but it has a different web address which you can find HERE.

I don't want to lose any of my readers, so please change your link to my new website. It is up and running and will soon have my blogroll in the sidebar.

I look forward to seeing you at my new location. Until later...

Blogger Problems

For some reason, I am currently having major problems with Blogger. I am unable to move any items around my page. I also cannot seem to add back my blogroll.

I deleted my blogroll because I was going to put it in a different format. Now I cannot get it back on my page. AT ALL! I'm so frustrated.

Right now, I can't even change the colors on my page or change anything except the template. How frustrating! I'm hoping this will be rectified soon. I don't know how to change it. Please be patient with my blog while I try to rectify these problems. I'd hate to have to start all over again in order to get everything back on my page the way it should be. It may come down to that, though.

I have saved all the links on my blogroll as well as added a few more. I will get those up soon or I will make a new blog. Again, please be patient. I'm trying!

Until later...

POST # 444

I cannot believe that I have now posted 444 times. Dude, that's a LOT!

Thanks so much to all of you for your support and kind words after my last post. You all mean the world to me. By the way...did you notice the "Nice Matters" award on my sidebar? I was given that by In the Gutter. Wasn't that sweet of her? I haven't received an award before and I was extremely touched. Thank-you!

In other news, I received a fantastic phone call from my nephew, W. He called to thank us for sending him a gift card for his birthday. That was so sweet! I LOVED talking to him. He's now 9. I can't believe it. He's getting so big. He's definitely not a little boy anymore.

I will be away from the computer from tomorrow morning until late Sunday night. We will be going to Chicago. We will be seeing the Blue Man Group Friday night and Wicked Saturday afternoon. We are extremely excited about both events. We will get into Chicago early tomorrow afternoon and will not leave until early afternoon on Sunday. I can't wait. I'm not even packed yet. Sad, I know. Usually, I'm already done; but I've been so busy these past few weeks that it doesn't even seem possible that our trip starts tomorrow. I worked this past Saturday from 8 a.m. until 1:45 p.m. then again from 5:15 p.m. until 11:15 p.m. It was one LOOOONG day and I'm so glad it's over.

I have now finished reading the Tori Spelling book, and the Alison Sweeney book. I'm currently in the middle of Valerie Bertinelli's book. Very interesting read. This will be the first vacation in about 6 years that we won't be taking computers with us. I am also not taking any books with me which will also be a first. We are just going to enjoy ourselves and chill for a bit. We both need that after this past month.

I guess I really need to get busy packing. I hope y'all have a great remainder of the week, fantastic weekend, and amazing Labor Day holiday.

By the way, as you can see, I'm in the process of updating and changing around my blog design. Please be patient, I'm not done yet. :-) I've also decided that I am no longer going to be adding labels to the bottom of my posts. I've realized that I don't really go back to look at my old posts. Maybe I need to. Do y'all use my labels to get to an earlier post? Let me know and I may have to bring it back. Thanks!

Until later...

It's Been a While

Okay, time has just slipped by unnoticed. I guess I just needed to take some time, chill, take stock, and realize what's most important to me. I've been keeping myself busy reading and recently watching the Olympics.

I've come to realize the following things:
1) Reading is definitely the one thing that keeps me sane and relaxed no matter what's going on.
2) I've learned all I can from the family I was born to and it's time for me to move on and stop living to meet their expectations and demands. I need to live up to my own. I know I've said this before, but it seems that I mean it now and I'm ready to actually live up to this.
3) The family I've chosen is becoming MUCH more important to me than the family I was born to. AND I seem more important to them than to the family I was born to.
4) My grandma will ALWAYS be my rock. She always has been. Growing up, she was the ONE person I knew loved me unconditionally. She was always there for me. She was always on my side.
5) I've realized that both of my parents are extremely selfish. They don't care about anyone but themselves. They're under the impression that everyone else needs to bend over backwards to meet their needs and fit into their schedule.
6) It's NOT up to me to keep my family together or close. I'm the child in this scenario. It's the parent's job to make sure everything runs smoothly and stays close or at least help keep it all together. Not mine! It's way too much in this family for me to do alone.
7) I'm done!

I've been hurt enough and I don't have to put up with it. The saddest part is that I'm still hurt by all of it. So much so that I could rattle off the things they've done to hurt me or show me that I'm not as important to them as G. That's sad and PATHETIC! I really need to figure out how to let it all go.

I've decided that I'm not going to be the one that is ALWAYS calling. I'm going to back off and let them call. See how long it takes them to call me. I started this last Friday. Mom called Sunday saying that she missed talking to me every day. That's right. I called her every day. What's worse, I called her more than once each day.

This past weekend also proved to me that Mom can have a good birthday without me having to be there. We were going to go up there, but with everything going on; with the way she's treating Grandma (which is the way she treats me), I decided that I was going to take care of me and do what was best for me - which was to stay home and not give in to my mom's selfish ways and demands.

I told her on Friday that I was no longer going to be calling her while I'm driving. That was usually when I would call and talk to her. Always! She doesn't like it when I talk to her on the phone while I'm driving, so it gave me the perfect reason to stop calling all the time. I also told her Friday that I took her phone number out of my speed dial so I wouldn't call automatically when I get behind the wheel. That's always what I did. It was just automatic. When we talked on Sunday, she said she had a really good birthday.

That's the last time I talked to her.

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I've decided to do a 100 push-up challenge. It's a six-week program that will have you doing 100 push-ups by the end of the program. If you'd like to know about the 100 push-up challenge I've started, check out my other blog here

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I've been doing a LOT of reading lately. I'm actually in the middle of 4 books right now and I just finished one yesterday.

I'm currently reading the following:
The Meditteranean Diet - This is all about the science behind eating like the Meditteranean countries. Very interesting and eye opening. I really need to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet.
sTORI TELLING - This book is amazing. I'm really surprised at all the things that have been said in the tabloids and actually finding out the truth behind them. I have to say, though, that the problems I have with my mom are not quite as bad as those Tori has wtih hers. In some regards, they are extremely close, thought. My family, like Tori's, is all about the non-confrontation and not talking about our feelings or anything else of importance.
Labyrinth - I'm about halfway through this book. Incredibly interesting. It goes back and forth between the present and the past. I haven't figured it all out yet, but the girl's name in the past is Alayce while the girl in the present is named Alice. Alice has dreams about Alayce. In these dreams, it's as though she is Alayce. Very good read. Three Secrets, Two Women, One Grail. I'm looking forward to getting back into this book.
The Historian - this book is written in the first person. It really draws you in. It's about a girl who is on a quest, reaching through the past five centuries, for the historical Vlad the Impaler. Very interesting read.

I've really been sucked into autobiographies of stars lately.

I've just finished All the Days of My Life (So Far) - if you like Days of Our Lives or if you just wonder what the life of a soap star is like, this is a great book. I read it in 3 days.

I've also started Terri Hatcher's book. I actually started this a while ago, put it down, got involved in school and work, and haven't picked it back up again. I really need to rectify that. The book was very interesting up to the point that I put it down.

I'll probably finish the Terri Hatcher book before the rest on the list above. After the Tori Spelling book that I'm reading right now. She's really got me hooked. That's what I get for listening to a co-worker that her show is great and shows her as a "real" person. She was right. I've watched all the damn episodes since then and now can't put down her book.

I also have Wynonna Judd's book. I'll proably read this one after I finish Terri Hatcher's. I've really been wanting to read them. I really haven't been in the mood to read romance novels lately. I guess I've just read so many of them, that I needed a break. I also like to learn new things and felt I have been stifling myself by sticking to just one genre of reading especially when I really like to read about a LOT of different subjects.

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Oh, I almost forgot. I bought a digital camera online. I LOVE it! It's a Casio EXILIM . I love this camera. Wait, I already said that. I wanted a cameral small enough to fit in my purse or pocket. It seems that whenever I found something I wanted to take a picture of, I didn't have my camera with me. Our other camera is bigger, bulkier, and heavier. This camera is perfect for me and for what I want to do with it. I've been taking pictures like crazy! I've deleted about half of them, but that's okay, too. I've gotten some REALLY good shots (for me).

I need to figure out how to download them and post them to my blog so you can see them. I think I've been visiting TysGirl's blog too long. She got me thinking that I should take pictures of what I love. Mine are no where near the quality of hers (and no, I'm not just being modest). My camera can't even do half the things hers can do. Actually, I don't know what it can do. I read the booklet, but only half of it even made sense to me. I don't need to take gorgeous shots. As long as they mean something to me. That's all that really matters.

I hope y'all are doing great! Have a great remainder of the week. Happy Hump Day!!! Until later...
k

50 Things About Me...

I found this meme on Amanda's blog (I Know, Right? - listed on the right hand sidebar).

1. Do you like blue cheese? yes

2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? nope

3. Do you own a gun? Nope

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I switch between cherry, vanilla, and chocolate

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? It depends on the doctor I’m going to see.

6. Do you like hot-dogs? Yep. I crave them every once in a while

7. Favorite Christmas Song? It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Iced Coffee

9. Can you do push-ups? Not very many

10. What’s your favorite meal? Bellacino’s nachos

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My grandmother’s diamond solitaire and the ruby/diamond ring H gave me as my engagement ring

12. Favorite hobby? Reading

13. Do you work with people who idolize you? Doubtful

14. Name a trait that you hate about yourself: I’m lazy

15. Name a trait that you like about yourself: I’m trusting

16. Middle name? Lynn

17. Name 3 thoughts at this moment: I should have gotten my allergy shots this week. I have a headache. Can’t wait to catch up on my TV watching.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: Drano, blue blouse, Breathe Rights

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coke Zero, Diet Dr. Pepper, Iced Coffee

20. Current worry right now? Whether I can or should cut my parents out of my life.

21. Current hate right now? The way my parents are treating my grandmother (goes with #20)

22. Favorite place to be? With my family (the one I’ve chosen not necessarily the one I was born into)

23. How did you bring in New Years? Watched movies

24. Favorite place to go? Ocean

25. Name three people who will complete this? No clue.

26. Whose answer do you want to read the most? Anyone who will do this

27. What color shirt are you wearing? Navy

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Nope, too slippery

29. Can you whistle? Yes

30. Favorite color(s)? red, pink, purple (to wear: black, blue, brown)

31. Would you be a pirate? Definitely you lily livered land lover

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower

33. Favorite girl’s name? Cassidy Lynnette

34. Favorite boy’s name? Kyle Chandler

35. What’s in your pocket right now? lint

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Last Comic Standing (watched last night)

37. Bed sheets as a child? Yes, but it was so long ago I don’t remember what kind. I do remember having a canopy bed and Holly Hobbie bedding

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Got my index finger crushed in a car door

39. Do you love where you live? I love the town, but I wouldn’t be upset with a slightly bigger house.

40. How many tv’s are in your house? Two but only one is plugged in

41. Who is your loudest friend? Jeremy (Yahkin)

42. How many dogs do you have? 1 Bichon Frise

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Not that I’m aware of

45. What is your favorite book? The Harry Potter series (I think I’ve read each of them 5 times already)

46. What is your favorite candy? Dark chocolate and Butterfingers

47. What is your favorite sports team? Nashville Predators; Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Amazing Grace on bagpipes

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Trying to fall asleep and wondering when I would finally sleep

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? I don’t want to get up yet

If you decide to complete this meme, please let me know. I would LOVE to read your answers.

Until later...
k

One More Strike and You're OUT!!!

Yes, I said it. One more strike and you're out! In case you had no clue, I'm talking about my mom here. Since I am at work, I really can't go into the latest atrocity; but know that I will sometime between now and Sunday night. Sadly, the woman didn't even do anything to me this time, but to her own mother. Which is why I'm giving her one more chance with me. After that, I'm DONE! As hard as that will be, I will try my damndest to swallow the guilt and stick to my guns. She has done pretty much nothing but hurt me for the past 5 years (always being one huge thing a year). I realized yesterday that I really don't have to take her crap. She can be who she is and I love her because she is my mom, but I don't have to put up with her negativity or dark aura in my life. I say "dark aura" because after every conversation I have with her or after being anywhere near her, I feel a huge weight on my shoulders and never come away from her feeling anything positive. It's all negativity from her.

In short, she got upset at her mom. Who happens to be living with my parents. She's making this poor old woman feel unwanted in the place she lives. Grandma will tell you that my mom's friend (who moved to town a year ago) is a bad influence and that mom kept most of her negativity in check until her BFF moved to town. Grandma has had enough. She's ready to pack up her things and find another place to live. I will definitely go into more detail later. I just needed to take the edge off a bit before I blow.

Thank God it's FRIDAY!!!

Until later...

The Week in Review

Thursday night - the 17th - I found out that we were definitely going to have guests in our home, a married couple (Trey and Candace), their little baby girl (Reagan), and a single guy (Scott). I had a major panic attack and cried.

Friday - I had to go to work, but I asked for half the day off so I could get the house in order for our guests. I had another panic attack and bitched about the guests to the people at work. They could NOT believe that H did that to me. Neither could I. Thankfully, I was able to get everything done before they got here.

Saturday - pool party at a friend's house. We took one of the guests that were staying with us while the family of three met with family members that came to town to meet them. They were leaving Sunday afternoon to go back home.

Sunday - went to the dam to fish, swim, and just hang out. We went to Dave and Buster's for dinner and went to see Batman - The Dark Knight at IMAX at 10:00 that night. Awesome movie!!! I will have to see this movie again.

Monday - went to the lake. Spent the day sunning, fishing, and just hanging out. The whole group (those staying at our house as well as 8 others) came to our house to play Rock Band, drinking, and Kabooki.

Tuesday - went to the Nashville Zoo; to the in-laws restaurant for lunch; then back to Dave and Buster's. While the guys played games, Candace and I took Reagan around the mall.

Wednesday - went to Mammoth Caves. Massive climbing up and down in slippery terrain. On the way home, we stopped at a hole in the wall place in the area and had a great dinner.

Thursday - we went to the Belle meade Plantation and had lunch at the Loveless Cafe. The group came back over to our house for more Rockband and drinking.

Friday - we chilled for the majority of this day. We took Trey, Candace and Scott to a local burger joint and met another friend there. Trey, Candace, and Reagan had dinner that night with family. H and Scott went to one of the group's house for a cookout and movies. I stayed home, relaxed, did a little cleaning, and caught up on some of my TV shows from the week.

Today - we went out to breakfast and the group has left. We are worn out and tired.

I am looking forward to getting everything back on track next week. I am also going to get back into making healthier choices the majority of the time. I kind of let that fall by the wayside a bit this past week.

Until later...
k

Hubby is a Dumb Ass

Yep, I said it. The man has invited strangers to stay in our house the whole week we're both home from work. No relaxation for us going on any time soon. Damn it! He's kind of ticked off at me for the moment because I keep bringing this up and making him feel bad. He SHOULD feel bad. I was looking forward to having a week of relaxation. He doesn't understand that I now have to play hostess to people while I'm on my vacation. He doesn't realize that even if he tells me he's going to take care of everything, he'll never take care of it the way I would and that I'm still going to stress about it. I've already had 2 panic attacks over this whole thing within 24 hours. That's not good. I am feeling a bit better about this, but that's not the point. :-)

Good thing he's taking me to see Wicked next month and we're going to San Francisco in December. I'm really looking forward to both of those trips.

In his defense, we know people that know these people. H talks with them every week through Ventrillow while they all play WoW together. There is a family of 3, the third being an 11-month old little girl. There is also a single male. We met them all at IHOP last night and had dinner with them and our mutual friends. I may not be blogging any time this week, but I will be trying to keep up with all the blogs I read.

We are going to a friend's house this afternoon for a swimming party. There is a "block party" that our mutual friends last night told us about. I'm not too thrilled about it. I'm NOT old, damn it! I'm just not a partier and due to allergies, I really can't be around smoking for any length of time.

Tomorrow, we're going to the lake. the guys have decided that they want to do some noodling. Yep, that's right. I'm picuring the scene from Mulan where they are in training and they try this and a guy ends up being pulled into the water by his foot. I think while the guys are doing this, the women are going to be sun bathing.

Tomorrow night, we are all going to see Batman, the Dark Knight, at Imax at 10:30. I am so going to need a nap sometime tomorrow. Okay, maybe I'm a little old.

As far as I know, we have no plans for Monday yet, unless we're doing more noodling.

Tuesday, we're going to the Nashville Zoo. We're going to pick up K and K2 and take them with us. They love the animals.

Wednesday, we're going to Mammoth Caves. I'm looking forward to this. I haven't been here since I was 14.

Thursday, we're going to Belle Meade Plantation.

Friday is open and everyone is leaving Saturday morning after breakfast.

I'm telling you all of this so you'll have a general idea of where to look for me if I go missing.

On another note, K2 is walking all over the place now. Last weekend she was 50/50 with walking and crawling. Now she's all about the walking. Her favorite toy at the moment is the Nunchuk for the Nintendo Wii. She holds that thing in her had and drags the cord behind her everywhere she goes (including up the stairs).

I hope y'all have a great week. Until later...
k

Frustrations with Weight

I've been frustrated lately because I'm stuck and no longer losing. Grant it, I'm not really watching what I eat. Well, I am, but I watch it go from my plate to my mouth. I've gained a few pounds back (less than 5). I've been doing this for quite some time. Fine, I've been doing this since about March. Five pounds isn't that bad for that time frame.

I've realized a few things in this frustrating time...

It doesn't matter if I reach my goals [meaning the set in stone, lose 'x' amount of pounds goals] as long as I'm working toward them on a pretty consistent basis. I may not always be able to work out (I have problems with my hips and knees due to arthritis). I can't beat myself up for that. It's going to happen. That's all part of my life and that's okay.

You can't beat yourself up over not reaching a goal either. We're working toward our goals. [It's a process] We should be extremely proud of ourselves for that no matter what the outcome. If we're striving for our goals more days than we aren't, we've accomplished something HUGE - something we haven't done before! Be proud of it. Congratulate yourself. You deserve it. You ARE worth it and you CAN do this. We all can!

It's nice to remind ourselves sometimes that life is just life. Things will come up that we don't expect and we're going to have to go with the flow. That's okay. We really need to be proud of ourselves for what we've already accomplished instead of only remembering the one piece of dessert we really shouldn't have had. Okay, fine, the three we shouldn't have had AFTER the one. Whatever! We tend to tune into the bad and negative things we are doing instead of realizing how much better we're doing on a daily, more consistent basis.

I think we get so used to the changes that we've made, that we forget just how far we've come. Yeah, we may slip occassionally and that's okay. We're human. It's going to happen. We need to accept that, learn from it, and move on. Don't beat yourself up over it. I can't beat myself up for it either. Instead of getting upset because of a dessert, remind yourself that you used to eat two or three (the whole thing? Whatever). You're still making progress. Celebrate that! Remember that! Be proud of THAT!

I know I've come a long way. I had to stop and take a break after walking just a few feet. I couldn't cross my legs. I couldn't paint my toenails without having to sit up straight for air after every two toes. I had to stop and take a break after playing with my nephew for about 5 minutes. I wore a size 16 top and 18-20 pants.

Those things are all history! I've come a long way. I'm proud of me and need to remember that and embrace the person I am NOW!

Until later...
k

I'm still Kickin'

Take the Quiz here!

Another Meme

I am: one day older than I was yesterday

I think: people that can’t do two things at one time should stop trying (ex: driving and talking on a cell phone or with a passenger)

I know: that I am happier and more at peace now than I have ever been in my life

I want: people to accept me for who I am

I have: allergies to EVERYTHING except cockroaches (the one thing I wouldn’t mind being allergic to)

I wish: everyone was more accepting of others instead of judgmental

I hate: that people use religious labels like a security blanket (it’s all faith)

I miss: the Pacific Ocean and the California mountain ranges

I fear: I’m never going to learn all that I’d like to learn

I feel: like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole

I hear: traffic outside my office window

I smell: nothing. Allergies have my nose stuffed

I crave: acceptance and understanding (especially from my family but others, too)

I search: for the meaning of it all

I wonder: if I’m going to Hell because I don’t believe the same way my parents taught me

I regret: not voicing all my questions about religion as I was growing up instead of letting my family believe that I felt and thought the same way they do

I love: My family (those I’ve chosen as well as those I was born to)

I ache: in my neck and shoulders almost constantly

I am not: the person everyone thought I would grow up to be

I believe: that it doesn’t matter WHAT you believe, it only matters THAT you believe

I dance: like a geeky white man

I sing: all the time

I cry: when no one can see me

I don’t always: feel accepted around others

I fight: the norms set by my family

I write: to express myself because I can’t seem to find the words when I’m speaking

I win: by beating cars off the line at a stop light with my 4 cylinder Corolla (all the time)

I lose: my voice every time I’m around a dominating personality

I never: want my parents or co-workers to find this blog

I always: have to have the TV on for background noise if nothing else

I confuse: what I want to do with what I should do

I can usually be found: reading a book

I am scared: of the dark, of fire, of drowning, of being electrocuted when I plug anything in or change a light bulb

I need: caffeine

I am happy: with who I am

I imagine: a world with faith but not religion

I've stole this from Ty's Girl (see blog roll on the right). If you do this meme, please let me know. I'd love to read your answers.

My Current and Most Recent Reading List

The following books I have read this month:
1. The Traveller by John Twelve Hawks
Great book about "The Vast Machine" and how a group of "Brethren" also known as the "Tabula" want to take over the world by making everyone afraid of terrorism. They want everyone to believe they are always being watched so they will continue to believe they are always watched. With this, they really don't have to be watched to be under the Tabula's control (panopticon - one guard for 100 prisoners). VERY interesting read. This book also has "Travellers" which have the ability to travel (the light in their bodies) from one realm to another. Travellers are protected by "Harlequin's". This is the first book in a trilogy. I'm also reading the second book at this moment. A MUST read.
2. No Choice But Seduction by Johanna Lindsey
She's always been one of my favorite authors. I have every single book of hers that I've read and I've read them multiple times. All of her books make me laugh out loud, cry, and chuckle.
3. Fearless Fourteen by Janet Evanovich
Another one of my favorite authors. I also have every book of hers I've ever read. She makes me laugh out loud and snort. Stephanie's torn between two men and has a grandmother that carries a gun in her purse (to the chagrin of her daughter - Stephanie's mom). Grandma shot a turkey while it was on the dinner table (Thanksgiving Dinner). Cracks me up.
4. Janeology by Karen Harrington
Great read! Asks the age old question about Nature vs. Nurture. In this story, a mom has drowned her little boy. Don't worry...the story does not go into a lot of detail about this part. The book is mostly about delving into Jane's past and finding out why she is the way she is and why she cracked. Nature vs. Nurture is the defense that the attorney representing Jane's husband is using because he is on trial for being partially responsible for the murder even though he was no where near the murder or had any clue that she was going to crack the way she did.

The books currently on my reading list (and these are only a few) are as follows:
1. The Dark River by John Twelve Hawks (book 2 of the trilogy)
2. Pandora's Daughter by Iris Johansen
3. Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor by Max Allan Collins
4. The Immortal Highlander by Karen Marie Moning
5. Scavenger by David Morrell
6. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
7. The Lost Constitution by William Martin

These are the books I am working on now and will be reading in the next month. I have MANY others like Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. So, yeah, I may read romance novels by Johanna Lindsey, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich; but I am interested in so many other subjects as well and have no problem stretching my horizons and learning new things. I LOVE to learn. I don't even care what the subject is, I just love learning.

So, those are the books on my recent and current reading lists. What are you reading? Have you read any of these?

Until later...
k

Happy Hump Day!!

Okay, I'm just checking in. Today is going to be hectic. I'm already at work and I'm not planning on leaving this place until close to 9:00 tonight. That's 13 hours, people! At least I get comp time for anything over 7.5 hours (unlike our event planners). WooHoo!

Ty's Girl, I read books multiple times. I'm sorry I missed that question in your comment. I have books I've read as many as 6 times (maybe even more). I don't really count how many times I read a book. I just read it for enjoyment. If it's a book I love, I will go back to it again and again (like Johanna Lindsey, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich). I can't tell you how many times I've read some of their books. They all make me cry and laugh out loud - which to me is the sign of a great book.

I hope y'all have a great hump day. As I said, mine will probably be pretty busy (especially after all the tables and chairs arrive).

While I'm here, I'm gonna bitch about something that aggravates the shit out of me. It's my blog - I'm allowed.

I don't mind people asking when we're going to have kids. What aggravates me to no end are the people that won't drop it when I say we can't. We were at a friend's home two weeks ago and they had another couple there. This couple asked when we were having kids.

ME: We're not - we can't.
HIM: Oh, well, we didn't think we could either but after 6 years and the doctor's being wrong, we had little Johnny. Hooray for you!
ME: It's medically impossible
HIM: That's what we were told, too, but God can perform miracles and here's our child as proof.
ME:

I had nothing to say. It's not his business that when I say medically impossible, I mean, we lack the swimmers (and it's none of your damn business). No, there aren't even a few swimmers that they can catch and put in a petrie dish to mix around with my gals. Due to an incompetent doctor (who snipped where he shouldn't have) THERE ARE NONE! Leave me the fuck alone!

I'm so happy for those that can, but I have to admit, there are times that I'm jealous. There are times that I wish it were me (even with the morning sickness - sometimes I'm glad it's not me, too). There are times I've asked WHY can't it be me. Maybe because of everything I've been through with my family, grandfather, past, yada yada yada; maybe it's a good thing I can't. I won't be able to pass any of that crap on to an innocent. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't have wanted to love a child and have one of my own.

For those of you that are pregnant or have just had a child, I'm so happy for you and excited for you and love sharing this experience with you; but there will be times that even though I will read your blog, I may not be able to comment on some of them. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, sometimes I get overwhelmed with emotion, sometimes I just can't; besides it's YOUR blog. It's not about me. I'm okay with that. I LOVE that y'all are able to have children and are sharing them with the rest of us. I feel close to them and to you. I have no problem with that. It's the people that won't shut up about "God can do miracles" "You need to have faith". No, Fucker! I need to have swimmers! Leave me alone!

Sorry, I've been fuming about that for two weeks and unable to put it into words without crying or getting pissed until today. Happy Hump Day!!! I feel better now.

I forgot to mention...H got us tickets to see Wicked in Chicago in August. WooHoo! This was a GREAT book. I'll read this again. I can't wait to see the musical.

Until later...
k

Where I Store my Books (and more)

So, Amanda asked where I store all of my books. My answer: all over the house!

Actually, I have 5 bookcases full of books. Some shelves have books on them stacked horizontally instead of vertically so I can get more on the shelf. I also have some shelves that have books stacked in front of other books (almost two full rows of books on one shelf).

I also have 2 bookcases that we haven't put together yet. Once we do, it will help alleviate the double stacks on some of the shelves. At the moment, I have a stack of books on my desk that I'm in the process of reading. I've finished two of the three books I was working on earlier this week.

One book I just finished is Janeology. This is a fantastic book that asks the question which has a bigger influence on a person's life nature or nurture. It was a VERY interesting read. I loved it and recommend it. This book kept me at the edge of my seat and I was late going back to the office during lunch because I just HAD to finish the chapter I was reading (a couple of times).

I also finished reading Janet Evanovich's new book Fearless Fourteen. This author always makes me laugh.out.loud. I love her books and own every one I've ever read.

I'm still doing well on the Wii Fit. I've been on the machine now for over eight hours. Can you believe it? Me! Working out for eight hours! No forkin' way, Pal! I'm so proud of myself. WooHoo!!!

I hope you all have a great week. Until later...
k

My Name is Kari and I'm a Book-a-holic

Yep! I'm standing in the circle hoping the twelve step program will help me. Are you kidding me! If my worst vice is that I can't walk away from a book, I think I'm doing pretty well.

Yeah, um, I can't walk to ANY store without looking at their book section. I have at least 20 books at home I haven't read yet. I walked into Walgreens today and walked out with 3 books. THREE!!! I'm currently reading three. Yes, that wasn't a typo. I'm currently reading 3 books. I have one in the car to read during lunch. I have two that I'm reading at home (my mood determines which one I'll pick up each night). I also have two books that I'm waiting to receive from the UPS dude. They'll be sent out on the 24th along with another book I just purchased earlier this week.

Stop the insanity! I need to get off this rollercoaster ride. NOT! I don't care! I LOVE books and I LOVE reading. Its been a part of my life since my mom read to me as a little girl. Reading is just a part of me - a HUGE part!

By the way, TGIF!!!

Until later...
k

Update on life...

Work is pretty good. I have only one complaint and since it's only one, I can live with it. I get to go home every day at 4:30, I earn a vacation and a sick day every month, and I don't think about work once I leave the joint; so it can't be too bad. It's just one of my co-workers. Sadly, there are only 7 of us in the whole office, so I see her pretty often. I don't mind seeing her and most days she's fine; but there are days that she's a real bitch and those days I could do without. Sadly, she's only that way with me and the other secretary. She comes across very gruffly all the time to myself and the other secretary as well as the man in our office. You guessed it, it's SUB. LOL

The way I look at it is this...she's the only stress I have in my job (besides when I may make an error - hey, I'm human, it happens). I can live through anything for 7.5 hours (which is as long as my day lasts at work). Most days, I don't even have any interaction with her, so I'm GREAT!

I think my bosses are trying to get me into the event planning side of our office. I don't want to plan events. I enjoy and love what I do. I'm good at what I do. I'm great on the phone, I'm great with people, and I'm extremely organized. That's what I'm ALWAYS hired for. It's what I do. It's what I love. That's just me. I don't have to have a higher paying job. Hell! With the higher pay comes higher stress and longer work hours. With the higher pay, I'd be worried and thinking about work when I'm at home. Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt...and BURNED it! I'm done with all that crap. I don't need it. I don't want it. I love my life the way it is. I love that my stress level is pretty non-existent. It's taken me 39 years to get to this point and I'm here to stay. Screw the higher pay. Life, family, and peace of mind are so much more important to me than a bigger paycheck.

Regarding weight...I've finally broken through my plateau. Actually, I've finally found something I love to do that is considered exercise. I'm finally off my lazy ass and moving my body. I actually look forward to working out now. It's amazing. This wonderful equipment is the Nintendo Wii Fit.

My husband's work gives them $300 each year toward the purchase of a gym membership or piece of home gym equipment. One of the guys he works with sent in his receipts for the wii and wii fit and received the $300 back. If it's good enough for an insurance company to be counted as in-home gym equipment, it's good enough for me.

I started using the Wii Fit on the 7th of this month. I have already lost 3 pounds. I've already used the Wii Fit for 6 hours and 12 minutes. Amazing. That's the most exercise I have done since I was on sports teams in high school. WooHoo! I actually do look forward to working out each day. I look forward to it all during work. I LOVE the Wii Fit. I've been looking for an exercise that is easy enough for me to do even on days that my arthritis is acting up; but I also wanted something that would hold my interest. Usually, exercises start to bore me after doing them just two or three times. The Wii Fit is the BEST exercise machine EVER!!!

K and K2 are doing great. K2 seems to think that everyone is her personal jungle gym. She crawls over all of us. All.The.Time. She's also under the assumption that if she's awake, everyone else should be, too. If she sees that someone near her is sleeping, she'll crawl over and slap them in the face. HARD. If that doesn't work, she'll pull your hair. HARD. She's adorable. She still smiles all the time! Absolutely amazing!

Dickens is still the spoiled dog he ever was. He knows he's loved and, to us, that's the most important thing. Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I fully believe that we saved Dickens. There was an ad in the paper stating that they had poodles on sale for $50. First of all, he is NOT a poodle. He is a Bichon Frise. They stubbed his tail so they could pass him off as a poodle. I knew he wasn't a full poodle because I had one when I was a kid. They also told us that he was champagne colored. Once we gave him a bath, he was white as a ghost. They definitely did not take good care of these dogs.

When we got him, he wouldn't let any man get anywhere near him (including H). He growled and barked at everything. He wouldn't go near anyone but me. Nine years later, he is a completely different dog (even my dad says he's nothing like he was when we first got him). He will now go up to just about anyone and nudge them until they start petting him. He's a sweetie. The only problem now is that he always thinks he has to guard me, but I totally understand it. I was the first person that showed this poor animal some love. The day we first got him, we stopped at a pet store to get a bowl, bed, leash, collar, and all the things a new dog needs. I stayed outside with him while H went into the store. dickens obviously had never had a collar on before the one those idiots put on him for us to take him home. They named him Fred, by the way. How boring. My first teddy bear was named Fred (yes after the Flintstones, I was 4). Anyway, poor Dickens got his paw stuck in the collar. When I tried to help him get it out, he bit me. He didn't break skin or draw blood, but it freaked me out and scared me a bit. I looked at him and said, "Fine, you can sit there until Daddy comes out of the store." He hobbled around on three paws until H came out of the store and got it out.

From that day on, Dickens was mine. He hasn't been far away from me ever since. I am the one he feels he has to guard. At.All.Times. By the way, I had the name picked (after the author) long before I had the dog. He's my baby and always will be.

I hope you're all having a great week. Until later...

Unfortunately

Unfortunately, we do NOT have custody of K1 and K2. They have loving parents that take exceptionally good care of them. Their grandparents also live in the same house and these children are doted upon by everyone.

They are the closest that H and I will ever come to having children of our own and in the Laotian culture it really is a village that raises the children. K1 and K2's parents know that we love their children as if they were are own and they couldn't be happier. They know their children our loved beyond words.

K will go nowhere without his daddy. We asked him if he wanted to spend Saturday night at our house and he just said "no". LOL We look forward to the day that he is ready to spend the night. We already have a closet full of board games that I can't wait to teach him. We hope above all that K and K2 feel loved and never doubt that they are loved. We hope that if they ever have a time where they need someone to talk to and don't feel that they can talk to their parents that they will know, and choose, to talk to us. That is our ultimate goal for these two children - to be their safety net, to let them know that we will NEVER judge them, to let them know that we will ALWAYS be there for them for ANYTHING. No matter what!

So, nope, we don't have custody, but they control our hearts. Until later...
Oh...I almost forgot my most important news for the day. I LOST 2 pounds this week. I knew I just needed to exercise. This past week, I walked about 5 miles and played Wii Fit for 2 1/2 hours. My goal is to do the Wii Fit for 30 minutes a day. We just opened the box on Saturday and I did an hour on Saturday and an hour on Sunday. Last night, I just did 32 minutes; but I am so proud of myself. I have finally found an exercise that I can do on a daily/weekly basis. WooHoo! It's been almost 4 months since I have lost any weight. I actually gained about 8 pounds back, so I'm so excited to finally be on the losing track again.

Until later...
k

Yet another Meme

I found this meme at Manicdote and thought I'd post it for you all to see. If you haven't done this meme yet, please do it and let me know so I can see your answers.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago: Working at a place I hated. Been married to the most wonderful man for a year (which means I was probably pretty bitchy at that time and giving him nothing but grief). I think this was about the time I had my breakdown and the doctor finally diagnosed me with depression/anxiety and I started medication. Wow! I didn’t realize how long it’s been.

2. Five Things on my to-do list today: Allergy shots; do a load of laundry; load, run, and empty the dishwasher (yep, that’s 5) AND…I have to watch today’s episode of Days of Our Lives, duh.

3. Three snacks I enjoy: Salted nuts (preferably cashews or pistachios), cheese, fruit (as for snacks that aren't good for me - anything chocolate or sweet)

4. Things I would do if I were a billionaire: Pay off all bills (including credit cards and student loans). Travel, pay off the debts of our friends and family, set up a GREAT retirement fund, set money aside for each niece and nephew (for when they turned 30), and do all the home improvements we’ve been putting off and wanting to do.

5. Three of my bad habits: gnaw on my fingers (all around the nail bed), lazy, watch a LOT of TV

6. Five places I have lived: Los Angeles, CA; Hammond, IN; Pensacola, FL; Murfreesboro, TN; Smyrna, TN

7. Five jobs I have had: Receptionist/Cashier for a Mercedes Dealership; Receptionist for an architectural firm; Quality Control Clerk in a warehouse; Shipping Clerk and Inventory Control Clerk in same warehouse; Lead in Customer Care (in-bound telephone sales and customer service); Secretary – many places.

Until Later...
k

Happy Memorial Day

To all those that have served in our military forces...THANKS!!! I owe ALL my freedoms to you. It is because of your sacrifice and the sacrifices of your family that I enjoy the freedoms I take for granted on a daily basis.

We spent this weekend with my parents. We heard a LOT of stories from my grandfather about his time in World War II. I heard for the first time that he actually saw 3 of his war buddies (one of which he grew up with) die right in front of him. That explains so much. My Uncle Mark is actually named after one of them and I never knew.

My dad was finally able to talk about his time in Viet Nam. That's the first time I've EVER heard him talk about it.

I also found out that this fallen soldier not only served with H in the Tennessee National Guard, but also served with him in full-time service before the Guard. If I knew that, it was something I forgot. I will never forget that now.

While there, we saw a commercial where servicemen and women were walking through an airport and everyone stood up and clapped. Those commercials ALWAYS make me cry. I don't know why. Dad looked at me and just smiled. I told him I felt like a dope, but he said I was just extremely patriotic, never lose that, and vote every time I'm able. I also always cry when I hear the National Anthem (in person - hearing it over the radio or TV doesn't do the same thing to me for some reason).

On the way home, we passed the Kentucky Veteran's Cemetery and saw a group of men in front of the entrance holding hands in a circle with their heads bowed. I cried. a. LOT! I cried so much, H reached over and held my hand.

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day. Please don't ever forget why we enjoy our freedom. I now realize what is so important about the war in Iraq. We are trying to give the people of Iraq the same freedoms we take for granted. I also realized today that the leader of our country should be someone that has served in our military. We cannot expect someone who has never been in our military to lead our military. There is so much they just wouldn't understand.

Until later...
k

No Worries

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've been extremely busy at work (which is where I've been doing a LOT of my blogging the past few months) and by the time I get home at night, I don't even want to TOUCH my laptop (let alone open it, sign in, and type ANYTHING).

I'm doing very well. I'm sorry I scared all of you. I actually have realized that I wasn't really in a "fog" for the past few years. There was no drug induced haze of any kind. It was more that I was in a cocoon. I sort of closed off part of myself for the past few years in order to protect me.

Thanks to Ty's Girl (link on the right) I've also realized the following these past few weeks regarding what I need or look for in my chosen mate:

I need someone that I feel comfortable with, someone I can be myself around, someone I can talk to without being bored (intelligent) or running out of things to say, someone I feel safe with (that's a BIG one for me), LOVE me some dark brown eyes (I don't even care that you're so full of shit your eyes are brown), and someone that makes me laugh.

Wow, this is sooo hubby in a nutshell. I never even realized. No wonder I love him so much. :-)

Anyway, I didn't want y'all to worry about me. I'm doing much better than I expected. I guess I just needed to figure some things out. Now that I have, I'm feeling much better. I don't feel such a weight on me and I need to stretch out of my cocoon completely (old habits die hard, ya know).

Thanks so much for all your words of encouragement and your hugs. They mean more than you will EVER know. Almost forgot...Happy Hump Day!!! WooHoo! Until later...
k

Major Depressive Episode

You are all sooo sweet for caring. Thanks for your hugs. They mean so much. What you are about to read has absolutely NOTHING to do with the trip we are no longer taking to Ireland (just thought I’d clear that up at the beginning). That's partly my fault for not letting H know what I really wanted and talked with him about what he was worried about before cancelling the whole thing. This in no way, shape, or form is H’s fault.

So, the past few weeks, I’ve been MIA. I haven’t written anything! I haven’t even been keeping track of my food intake which is HUGE for me. I’ve been tracking my food for almost a year. I haven’t for the past few weeks. I also haven’t been reading very many blogs (sorry I’ve been behind on yours). Occasionally, I will stop by a blog and catch up on what I’ve been missing. I think I’m actually pretty up to date on everyone by now. That in itself is a HUGE accomplishment for me right now.

I was in such a bad funk that I wasn’t even able to go to work Monday or yesterday. That’s HUGE for me. I’ve been really good in this job at missing only when I’m sick or using vacation days. The job itself does not stress me out and I’ve never dreaded going to work in the mornings while in this job. I definitely think I’m in the right place for me right now in that regards.

Anyway, this weekend went pretty well until Sunday afternoon. Sunday afternoon, I started having really bad stomach pains (lately this has only happened after eating greasy foods, but that wasn’t the case Sunday). By Sunday evening, I was extremely “off” (as I call it – I have no other way to explain it. I’m just off – way off this time. I think it's part of my chemical imbalance, but sometimes, even my meds don't help).

I was so far “off” on Sunday that H left me. Not in an “I’ll never come back” way – which I didn’t realize at the time; but in an “I really need to get out of here for a few minutes before I blow” way. He just left. In all honesty, I deserved it. I blew – as in my stack – really hugely over something extremely inane and inconsequential. I couldn’t even tell you right now what it was. Sadly, I bet H could tell you what it was. I thought he was just sitting in his truck in the driveway. When I went to look, his truck was no longer parked in the driveway. I know I hurt him tremendously and I couldn’t feel more sorry about that. I would never intentionally hurt H. He’s my rock. He’s the one person, besides my grandma, that I’ve ALWAYS been able to depend on. He’s the one person I’ve always been comfortable showing my true self to.

Long story short, after seeing that he wasn't in the driveway, I called him. He went to put gas in his truck and drive around for a bit to cool off instead of saying something that might hurt me. While he was gone, I was completely in a fog. I lay on our bed with my eyes staring at the ceiling. I wasn’t crying (although I wanted to), I wasn’t thinking. I was completely a blank. When he got home, he laid in bed next to me. I was actually on his side of the bed (for some reason, I always choose his side of the bed when I need to think or just get away) so he was on my side. I stayed there for a few minutes then went into the backyard to lie in the hammock. I needed some air. I still wasn’t thinking straight and I wasn’t crying or anything. Just a blank.

I was in the hammock for quite some time before the back door opened. H let the dog out because he was barking to come to me (H told me this and I told him that I heard him barking). I didn’t want or need the dog making a bunch of noise while I was in this state. I guess it might have been a good thing, because it wasn’t long after the dog was out when I started to feel again. Almost an hour had passed between the time I came outside and the time I started feeling. The one thing that kept going over and over in my mind was that he left me. That has always been a huge fear for me (ever since he left me stranded at an apartment we were moving out of before we even got married - due again to another of my explosions, I'm sure). That was the only other time he’s ever done something like that, but it definitely left a lasting impression on me. An impression I have been scared to death of ever since. I started to bawl like a baby at this point and I found myself in the fetal position. I don’t remember ever being in this position before, but I really found the comfort it gives. It’s like wrapping your arms completely around yourself and giving yourself a huge body hug without actually doing it. I realized that I had a LOT to lose if H were to ever leave me. He is my stability. Without him, I wouldn’t have access to K or K2 and to me, those are my children. I couldn’t afford to live on my own with what I make. I took a lower paying job in order to get out from the stress of the workplace. I would be in BIG trouble financially without him. All of this was running through my mind.

He finally came out, gathered me in his arms, and carried me back into the house as I’m blubbering away. I’m crying so hard at this point that I don’t think he could even make out what I was saying. He carried me to bed and we talked for a couple of hours trying to get to the bottom of everything. He apologized for leaving me. I told him everything I wrote above and I think he was a bit shocked that my brain went to all those places. That shows just how “off” I really was at that point.

From Sunday night until Monday night, I came to a lot of conclusions about myself and my problems. Here’s the abbreviated version:

1. I have anger and rage problems. They come out toward H, but he does not evoke those feelings from me. When I snap, I am never actually upset at him or angry with him in any way. I’m usually a little frustrated but that’s as far as it goes, but for some reason, I blow and I have no way to stop it or even realize that I’m coming to this point. It just happens. It makes absolutely no sense to me and I can’t even tell you what sets me off. I have no idea. Sadly, this also means I have no way to know when it’s coming so I can make myself shut up or go away until it passes.

2. I have abandonment issues. I took time during lunch today to list the reasons why I think I have my anger/rage and abandonment issues. Here’s the list:

a. I was sexually abused as a child

b. I was emotionally/mentally abused (bruised) as a child

c. I never felt loved by my family (except my grandmother)

d. I don’t trust my parents to protect me (they didn’t know about grandpa and mom almost watched me drown when I was in junior high – she told the lifeguard I was okay when I was anything BUT okay – I forgot that all I had to do was stand up. I was THAT freaked out and still do not know how to swim. I’m scared to death of the water and freak out when water gets in my ears while in the shower or getting my hair done. It’s THAT bad)

e. I feel that my parents expect too much from me. Definitely more than they expect from G (more behaved, better grades, etc.)

f. They’ve actually taken things from me and given them to G when he lost his own (Mickey Mouse watch, school rain jacket, baseball mitt, etc.). Grant it, these were small things, but they showed me at a young age that G was more important than I was.

g. They still give to G even though he’s 38 and a father of 3. They give him money (still), were going to pay completely for his college education (which he turned down). Somehow, they never thought to offer the same things to me. They couldn’t even throw me a graduation party when I did graduate from college (first person from my immediate family).

h. They couldn’t be bothered to remember my birthday last year.

i. They couldn’t be bothered to actually spend Christmas with me when they came down specifically for that purpose. Their excuse was that we were going to spend a few hours with K to watch him open gifts and they didn’t want to come with us. They have met H’s parents, but they don’t seem to want to spend any time with them.

No wonder I don’t feel worthy. I don’t feel that I deserve to be loved. I never have. I don’t feel that I deserve to be happy. I never have. As a matter of fact, I have always self-sabotaged myself whenever anything starts going too well for me or I’ve been happy for too long a period.

No wonder I’m so screwed up. Is it any wonder? How the hell have I been able to function this well for so long? What is it people see in me that makes them want to protect me? This has happened all my life (not from my family, but others I work with or have spent any length of time around). I wish I saw myself the way they see me or at least knew what it was they saw so I could look for it myself.

Now that I have been able to put all my frustrations and sadness into words, now that I finally know WHY I’ve been feeling the way I have for so long, maybe I can now put it all to rest and actually move on with my life. Is it safe to say that I have finally come to the end of this chapter? Can I finally close this book and start anew? Now that I know all this, will I see the signs when I start to slip into old habits that lead to nothing but pain and heartache for me as well as those around me? God! I hope so. I’m afraid to hope, though. I’m afraid that my hopes will be dashed yet again. It never fails that when I get my hopes up something inevitably happens that make them all come crashing down around me. I guess time will tell.

I did find out through my work’s EAP (employee assistance program) that I can have 6 free sessions with a therapist. I wonder, since I know what the root of my problem is, if 6 sessions will be enough for me to learn how to overcome all of this and move on without causing more devastation to those I love (meaning H – I’m coming closer and closer to not caring how my parents feel about all of this). They don’t even realize I HAVE a problem let alone know they’re the cause.

I’m choosing who is included in my “family” starting today! H, K, K2, H’s parents, my grandma (the only one currently living), my grandpa (also currently living – NOT the one that caused all my problems as a child – the other one), Scott and Donna (former neighbors who we don’t see nearly enough now), G’s children (W, A, B – my problems with their father is not their fault and I may never be as close to them as I am with K and K2, but I still love them and want to be there for them if they ever need me), and my blogosphere family (that’s you, in case you’re wondering). So far, that’s all I have; but that’s enough. It has to be. It’s all I have.

By the way...Happy Hump Day, Y'all!!! Until later…
k

Major Struggling Going on Here

Right now, that's actually about all I can say. I've had a rough couple of weeks that all came to a head Sunday night. I've been out of work for the past two days trying to get some semblance of normalcy back into my life and feelings.

I'll write more later. Until then...
K

Plans Demolished

After all this time, I should know NEVER to get my hopes up because they ALWAYS come crashing down around me. Always, yet…I never learn. I must be the stupidest person EVER. ON. THE. PLANET! I NEVER learn this lesson about getting my hopes up.

Ireland is now a thing of the past. Yes, you read that correctly! I am no longer going to Ireland in October. My boss (BB) gave H the time he needed to change his mind and no longer feel as though we could afford the trip. She had my vacation request since April 9! As of Monday (when I let the office know that I am no longer going to Ireland), she still had not signed it.

I found out today from a co-worker that she had been planning on me taking the trip and wanted me to spend it as a vacation with my husband instead of working the trip (since the trip is being put together by my office, one of us may have to go and work the event and answer any questions or solve any problems that may come up while there). Strange how she can let the office know that she approves of my going to Ireland as a vacation, but she can’t tell me so I can pay the deposit and get the ball rolling. It's MY damn vacation. I should have been the FIRST person to know it was approved.

H is kind of frustrated with me right now because I’m bitching about BB and completely sad and demolished because the trip is now off the books. I’m soooo frickin’ frustrated right now. I really can’t even go into this anymore right now because I’ve got tears springing into my eyes.

I’m so tired of getting my hopes up for them to be dashed on the bits. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me what you’re thinking so I’m prepared when you change your mind. With H, deep down I always know there’s a chance he’ll change his mind; but I was really unprepared for it this time. I thought he was looking at this as a “once in a lifetime” trip just as I was.

Happy Frickin' Hump Day!
Until later...
k

'Bout Damn Time

I have been so freakin' busy the past few weeks, I haven't had a chance to to breathe let alone update all of you on my life. I should be grocery shopping right now, but H and I are both tired from all the running around, so we are giving in to our laziness. Just thought you'd like to know. :-)

I got home from work today to find that our lawn had been mowed. I called H right away asking if he mowed the lawn last night and I was just tired enough to not realize it. He didn't - good thing, 'cause I don't how tired I really would have been to have missed THAT. The first thing that popped into my head was that our "association" took it upon themselves to cut our front yard and charge us $100 dollars for it. First of all, our front yard didn't look THAT bad. It has looked MUCH worse and we have gotten a letter to mow it. We didn't receive a letter this time. It's kind of strange. It seems that after all the care we took into over-seeding our lawn to keep the weeds away, we now have nothing BUT weeds. We have little sprigs of grass here and there, but the majority is seriously now weeds. The weeds themselves are strange. These aren't the weeds that grow real tall. These weeds have yellow flowers on the top and grow close to the ground.

I saw our next door neighbor out mowing his lawn. He's retired, and he's lived next door to us since day one. We actually moved into our house before they moved into theirs. While he was riding around on his mower, I went up to him and asked if he mowed our lawn. He said that he didn't. The neighbors on the other side of us did. He said the lady thought we hadn't mowed our lawn because there was something wrong with our mower. I called H and told him the NEW neighbor (been there less than 3 months) mowed our lawn because they thought something was wrong with our mower. I told him, "there IS something wrong with our mower." He's LAZY!!! hahaha - seriously, I did.

Guess what? Because my BB took soooo long to sign my vacation request for Ireland, H has decided that we shouldn't go to Ireland. Damn it! I knew that would happen. Damn her for taking over 3 weeks to sign off on MY time. Biatch!! Two of the ladies that I work with (EA and MB) were pissed off as well. They couldn't believe that 1) she STILL hadn't signed the damn request and 2) she had the NERVE to look at me and say "I'm so sorry" as though it wasn't her fault that I will not be going to Ireland. Grant it, I knew that if H had enough time, he would talk himself out of the trip. He always does that whether we can afford it or not, but if I had already been approved, I would have paid our deposit on the trip and H wouldn't have changed his mind. DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN!

Until later...
k

Happy Hump Day!!!

WooHoo! I got it RIGHT on the RIGHT day. Count your blessings, it doesn't happen very often. :-)

I'm not going to post a big post tonight. I'm completely worn out. Today was a HUGE day at the office. We had a fundraiser luncheon today that kept me busy all damn day. I had 50 emails in my inbox. I now have those down to 17. Finally!!

Nevis, everyone I've seen that others have done have also gotten golden retriever. I think the quiz is rigged - seriously!

Trudi, I think it's funny that you think the Preds fans are better than the Red Wings. I work with a guy who HATES the Preds fans. He says that we don't know the game (which is correct, we're learning as we go along here). He hates that what the crowd chants the most is that everyone besides the Preds "suck!". I think it's absolutely hillarious! I love that the crowd gets into the game. He calls us a bunch of rednecks, but that's what I love about the fans at the game. It's a LOT of fun. I love that our fans can be heard during the game. It's amazing to be there and here it all in person.

By the way, of course I'm cool - I'm a California girl at heart (and I have all of you as my friends - which makes me the coolest EVER!!). :-)

Have a great night. I'm done for now. I'm tired as hell! Until later...

k

Another Blog Quiz

You know I love these things and I've felt as though I've neglected you the past few days.

I have quite a bit to tell y'all, but just don't have the time right now. Let me preface a later post by letting you know that we were able to go to GAME 6 (Predators vs. Red Wings) and I was surrounded by Tennessee Titans. WooHoo! I'll have a list of their names and tell you about our conversations later. Just thought you'd like to know I'm pretty cool - okay, you know that's not true, but at least I carried on conversations with some cool people. That has to count for something.

Until later...

K

Damn me for being so nice! Kidding!

Because I "leave the nicest comments" over at I'm in the Gutter (AKA - I'm Being Held Hostage), I got tagged for a meme. Like I mind doing a meme. Come on, Folks! I live for these things! I don't have to think about them and I get to share a little about myself to all my blogosphere buddies. Gotta say, though, that I don't think I leave the nicest comments, but I'm glad YOU think I do. Some days, I can be downright snarky. I guess I hide it well. HA!

Anyway, on to the meme:

1. My perfect food: I'll come back to this one. I really don't know. I don't really have a favorite food per se. I'll come back to this. So, I have now answered all these questions and am back to this one. I still don't know what my favorite food is. I love Mexican (but have really been getting out of it since eating healthier - I just taste the grease now and not much else). I love Olive Garden, but it just no longer seems worth the points. Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream is ALWAYS top of my list and right now Bellacino's nachos (without onions) are right up there, too. We've found a bakery close by (son of a BIATCH! - don't they know I'm trying to LOSE weight not gain it all back?) and I've found quite a few little things there that I like. Wedding Cookies will also always be one of my favorites. My mom calls them Sandies. Whatever. I have to buy them every year around Christmas because that was the time of year my mom always made them. I also LOVE my mom's TACOS. We're going to visit them at the end of May and I've already made my request for those tacos. :-)

**So, short list of favorite foods if you prefer to skip the above paragraph: Breyer's Mint Chocolate chip, Bellacino's nachos, Wedding Cookies (instead of walnut flavoring, add real walnuts), and Mom's Tacos.

2. Favorite Colors: I have soooo many - purple, blue, black (for clothing), chocolate brown, green, red. You get the picture.

3. Hair - I'm not quite sure what this is asking me. I have some. I like my current style even though I'll be damned if I can fix it the way the hairdresser did. I liked her way best but can't seem to duplicate it myself. Mother F$@#%^$!

4. DVD I recently saw - P.S. I Love You. Wait, I think that was actually downloaded from the Internet by a friend with the title "P.S. I Heart Not U" - don't tell. By the way, I LOVE the P.S. I Heart Not U. H and I say that to each other every now and then. He liked it, too. GREAT movie! Actually, we were just starting this movie when we were called last Friday to the hospital for K2 and finally watched it Tuesday night.

5. Guilty Pleasure TV - isn't it all, really? Days of Our Lives, Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race, New Amsterdam, How I Met Your Mother, and NASCAR Cup Series Racing. Those are about all the shows I watch now.

6. If I were a Tree - I would be a weeping willow. Seriously! I love those trees. They seem so majestic to me and completely convey my depression on days when I'm feeling low. They have always been my favorite tree. Sometimes I think they are completely misunderstood and I feel that way at times, too. Weeping Willows freak H out for some reason, so I don't think I'll ever be able to plant one in our yard, but I sure would like to.

Now on to the suckers, I mean buddies I'm going to tag for this. You know what, just leave me a message that you did it and I'll check out your answers. That means I'm tagging EVERYONE that READS THIS BLOG!! That MEANS YOU!!! :-) Until later...

k

Update on EVERYTHING

Okay, so I know it's been a while since I have blogged anything. Sorry! I haven't been neglecting you for SparkPeople, I swear! I've been neglecting that journal, too. I've just been so damned tired since last Friday night. We had a busy week, so that hasn't helped anything.

On to the update:
We went to see K and K2 last Saturday. K2 was doing very well. She was crawling around and smiling, so I felt much better.

Sunday, we picked up K and took him to Opry Mills Mall. He wanted to putt/putt at the glow in the dark place they have there. Afterwards, we walked around a bit. We took him to the Stingray exhibit and he had a blast looking at the stingrays and the different fish they had there.

Monday, I got an email from H that he had tickets to the Predator Playoff Game that night. How could I turn down free playoff tickets? I couldn't, so we went. Come to find out, the owner of the company bought 100 tickets for the employees. WooHoo! The owner and his brother are two of the five local businessmen that now own the Predators. I have told H that he could tell them he'll take his raise in Predator tickets and I would be a happy camper. LOL. Seriously, I did!

The game was GREAT! Lots of noise, lots of comraderie. It was fantastic! I think it was the best game I have ever attended. Near the end of the second period (we were tied 2-2), everyone was on their feet. There was so much noise from the crowd pumping up the team, that they stopped play for at least 2 minutes then gave up and started the match again because they realized we were not stopping any time soon. The vibe was just awesome.

At this point, I still have not caught up on any sleep since the hospital run on Friday. I'm tired as hell and unable to sleep through the night. The score was 3-2 right after the beginning of the third period. The score remained at 3-2 almost the entire third period. At five minutes left in game play, I told H I was ready to go home and go to bed. No sooner had we walked out of the Sommet Center did we hear the buzzer go off letting us know the Preds had scored. Nine (9) seconds after that, we scored AGAIN! The score is now 4-3 in the Pred's favor and we're moving as fast as we can to the car so we can turn on the radio.

Never have I felt so old as to leave a sporting event early in order to miss the traffic jam and get my butt home. I mentioned that to H and he laughed. Oh well, I'm not old, damn it! I'm TIRED!! Once we got in the car, we turned on the radio in time to hear Erat make the fifth and final goal for Nashville. We Got TACOS! WooHoo! For the first time EVER, I didn't hear the crowd do the taco chant after scoring the fifth goal. They didn't even do the chant after the fourth goal letting everyone and their mother know "We want TACOS!" It truly was a magical night when you can stop rednecks from asking for free food. It's the Playoffs, Baby! Too excited to sleep well this night.

Tuesday night, we stayed home. We got nachos from Bellacino's. I don't care what anyone says. They have the BEST darned Nachos from anyplace I've ever bought them and I order nachos almost everywhere I go. I now only order them from Bellacino's. :-) For some reason, I'm unable to sleep through the night.

Wednesday - Happy Belated Hump Day! I got a call from H yesterday afternoon that we may have tickets to the Predator Game. We were on the list and they were giving tickets to those that didn't go on Monday first. We were FIRST on the list. When I left work, I called H to see if we were going to the game or staying home. We did not get tickets to the game, so we went to dinner at Cracker Barrel. I went to bed at 9 o'clock. H laughed at me for going to bed so early; but I feel so good this morning that I don't even care. It's almost 3 in the afternoon, and I'm still feeling good. I may try going to bed early tonight, too.

I hope you all have a GREAT week. By the way, I play Alliance on Mal'ganis. I have a few horde lowbies on another server, but I haven't touched them in over a year and have no idea where they are right now. I started them the week Mal'ganis was down and haven't been back since. I guess I need to get them rolling.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers for K2 and for keeping me going this week. I have really appreciated the blogosphere and all the friends I have met here.

I still haven't updated pictures of my new hairstyle. I haven't even downloaded those pictures from my camera yet. I guess I REALLY need to do that so y'all can see just how cute I am. LOL! HA! Kidding. Until later...

Problem with K2

K2 was rushed to the hospital last night by ambulance. All is well, so do not worry. She is now home and fine. The poor little thing is only 9 months old.

We received a phone call about 8 last night saying that K2 had been taken to the hospital by ambulance because she had a seizure and her daddy went with her. We heard her screaming in the background. The conversation was in Laotian, but even I KNEW something wasn't right so I was getting myself ready to leave as soon as H got off the phone. They needed us to pick up Mommy and K and take them to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital, she was crying but no longer screaming. While we were there, they had to prick her heel to get blood for testing. Poor thing did NOT like that AT ALL. I went to her and smoothed the hair on her head while they were taking blood. I also made soothing sounds to her and she stopped crying (after a while) while they were drawing blood. After they left, I hummed Brahm's Lullaby and she actually fell asleep. She even slept through the buzzing of the machine when her IV drip was done. They came in, refilled it, and left while she slept through the whole thing.

At that point, we didn't know how long before the doctor came in and released her or told us what was wrong. We took K into the waiting room so he wouldn't have to be still, wouldn't get in the way, and wouldn't have to be quiet.

We were finally able to leave the hospital around midnight. K2 has pneumonia. She had the seizure because her temperature got too high. Poor little thing. She is now at home with prescriptions to help get rid of the infection and keep her temperature out of the danger zone.

Needless to say, I cried in the car all the way to the hospital. I think of her and K as our kids. H does as well. They are the closest we will EVER have to children of our own. We can't help that. These are the niece and nephew that live closest to us. We see them almost every weekend. They will know us as they grow up. We will always be there for them. We can't do that for my brother's children because they live on the other side of the country. I don't know that they will ever want us to be part of their lives.

Anyway, I'm tired as hell today. We didn't get home until after 1 this morning, but I don't regret a minute of it. I'll be there every time they call. And they know it.

TGIF!!!

WooHoo! It's FRIDAY!

I think I need to make something clear. The haircut in the most recent pictures on my SparkPage are NOT my latest haircut. That is the cut before this newest. The newest cut is the CUTEST!!! It's also the one I love. :-)

You all have been fantastic in encouraging me to keep going. You have been a GREAT help to keep me motivated.

Guess what? I found something else to motivate me as well. My college alma mater is taking a trip to Ireland in October. H and I will be going. WooHoo! I have 21 pounds to lose between now and then. We are using this trip to reward ourselves for a year of healthier choices (Aug '07 to Aug '08). I'm also going to use this trip to celebrate getting to my goal. There's no reason I can't make my goal by that time.

I'm excited. The trip will take us into Shannon. From there, we will be traveling to Killarney and Kilkenney with side trips to Blarney, Kinsale, and Dublin. I've never been out of North America (I'm not counting the cruise from hell that took us to South America since we didn't really see anything except the shore from the bow of the ship). We've been to Canada a few times, but that's been about it in regards to traveling outside the USA. I can't wait. I'm waiting for my boss to sign off on my vacation time before I call and pay the deposit for the trip. I should have those days approved next week.

I can't wait to go shopping for smaller clothes for the trip.

I'll let y'all know when I get pictures of my latest hairstyle up and running. I'll even try to post it here. Keep your fingers crossed.

Until later...

Monday Down..

So, Monday is down and there are 4 more days to work this week. Work is kind of slow. Thankfully, I can cruise the Internet while I'm working without worrying about getting into trouble. That's a first for me when it comes to jobs. Not too shabby.

In regards to the haircut, it is like Paige Davis' short cut (only cuter). Mine is a little shorter in the back, still more layers, and they all do the flippy thing. Picture Meg Ryan in Courage Under Fire only with more layers (like this one and this one only mine is darker, fuller on top, a touch longer in the back with flippy ends, and more layers - all of which do the flippy thing).

Anyway, so those pictures are really close to my haircut.

I have put pictures on my SparkPage if you'd like to see them. It's much easier to put pictures on that page because I can upload them directly from my computer instead of having to post them on the web somewhere first. Anyway, there is one before photo and two recent pictures. I also blogged on that page about my feelings when I posted those photos.

Hope you all have a great week. Until later...

Jackpot!!!

I must have the PERFECT hairstyle for my face and weight right now. Why? I'm glad you asked. I'll be happy to tell you. EVERY.SINGLE. PERSON in my office complimented me on my hair today. That has NEVER happened. Even SUB said it was really cute. WooHoo! I guess that means I'll have to post before and after photos (actually, that means I need to figure out how to do that) so y'all can see.

She (meaning the hairdresser) called the hairstyle the "Paige Davis" - you know, from Trading Spaces. I showed her a bunch of pictures from hairstyle magazines and noticed that every picture was actually the same hairstyle just tweaked one way or another. I told her exactly what I was looking for in a hairstyle and she said she could put her own spin on the "Paige Davis" to make it perfect for me. I have to say; though, last night I Googled Paige Davis and my hair looks SOOO much BETTER than hers. :-)

I've found my new hair cut. Neener Neener Neener!! Even MIO complimented me - of course, he did it after everyone else, but by the look on his face, he noticed when he first walked in the door. I think he felt uncomfortable saying anything in case it wasn't PC. WooHoo! I must be looking C-U-T-E!!

I guess I'm definitely going to have to give in and post pictures of myself. I want NO bad things said when I do (that's one reason I haven't posted pictures before now - that and the fact that I don't know how). :-)

Have a great weekend. TGIF!! Until later...
k

So, I Guess My SIL Really Has NOTHING to Worry About. :-)

Created by OnePlusYou

The Blogosphere ROCKS!!!

Thanks for your hugs, understanding, encouragement, and love! One thing I have really loved about having this blog is getting to know people like you and finding out that I'm not the only one with a family like mine. It's amazing to me how lonely I was growing up (actually until I met H) thinking that I was the only person that dealt with these issues. I started my blog so that those that come AFTER me will realize they aren't alone in their struggles; and instead, I'm finding that I'm not alone in mine.

The Blogosphere ROCKS!! My day did get better. Have a great rest of the week. I'm getting my hair cut later today. I'm not quite sure how it's going to be cut yet. I'm thinking about just telling her what I would like out of my hairstyle and let her do whatever she thinks would look best on me and meet my criteria.

What is my criteria you ask?

1. Looks good on me with my face shape and current weight. The biggest problem I have right now is that I don't see the real me unless I'm looking at a picture of me. That makes it difficult to fix my hair in the morning. What looks great on the person in the mirror looks terrible on the person in the picture (which is what everyone else sees).
2. I want it to be easy. I take maybe 10 minutes on my hair in the morning and that includes blow drying it. I just never learned how to play with my hair or how to fix it to complement me to the best advantage. I need this taken care of for me by having a cut I can easily maintain and control.
3. It needs to be feminine.
4. I'd like it to be somewhat sexy.
5. fit my age
6. fit my lifestyle
7. It doesn't have to be too conservative.
8. I really do just want a change that will look smashing on me. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.
9. Something that will make someone take a second look without being flashy or over the top.
10.Something that will convey the inner me that has all the confidence in the world. I'm trying to find her again. I don't care if my thinking has to catch up to my look. I'm tired of the me I am currently portraying to the world. You know...the person that is insecure.

Until later...
K

Happy Hump Day!!

Happy Hump Day, Y'all! Aren't you glad you stopped by? The answer here is YES! Damn it!

Anyway, things really haven't been bugging me much lately. Life is good. I have no complaints. I do however have something I noticed today - not that it's bugging me. It just shows how I rate with my sister-in-law (M - I think is how she's on my sidebar - it's been such a long time since I've been hurt by her, that I really couldn't tell ya - yeah, don't have that much interaction anymore). So, I visit her website almost every day to see if she's posted any new pictures of my brother, herself, or the niece and nephews. On her sidebar is a list of her friends and family that also have blogs. I'm not mentioned. I guess my blog isn't CC (Christian Correct) for her (as opposed to PC - politically correct). Anyway, just a small slight; but yet another reason I don't feel the love from that part of my family. I'm sure she knows that I visit the site. I do leave comments from time to time. I do scroll down on her page and look the whole site over.

If someone clicks on my name when I leave a comment, they're going to come here anyway. I guess she's come here once or twice - which was enough for her to know she doesn't want her true friends or her family coming here. Maybe that's it. Maybe she's only listing her family members (since I'm the only one in G's family that blogs). Who knows. I'm not upset. Maybe a little hurt. It's not like she's made a big effort to get to know me. I've given up calling except on G's birthday because I can't afford to be the only one to make phone calls. I didn't even get a phone call from G on my last birthday until Mom or Dad called him to remind him. Remember, they ALL forgot me on my birthday last year. Yeah, I'm not bitter. I have nothing to be hurt about. WHATEVER!

If I treated them half the way they treat me, they'd understand my hurt; but I don't, so they have no clue to how hurt they've made me over the years. Maybe I am a bit bitter and still letting all that crap hurt me. Maybe I need to just post all the crap in one place so I can let it go. I don't know. Honestly, I thought I let it all go until I started typing.

I was the only bridesmaid that didn't know anyone else in the party. She went out the night before the wedding with her bridal party (but I wasn't invited). Grant it, she had never met me before that day, so I do understand not being invited; but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. Yeah, that still hurts the most. I would have understood her at least telling me about it and saying that she didn't think I would enjoy it since it was her childhood friends. I would have understood. I probably would have told her she'd have more fun without me since we didn't know each other. I'm NOT about to push myself on someone who doesn't want me around or doesn't know me and it was the night before her wedding. I'm not stupid. I know she would have rather spent it with her friends than trying to make me feel comfortable. Neither one of us would have been comfortable. It's just the THOUGHT. The next day, she and her friends were telling inside jokes from the night before. Yeah, I felt really good that day, too; but it WASN'T my day. I GET that. It just would have been nice to have been given the niceties. Maybe she was afraid that I would accept an invitation to spend time with her and her friends. Um, maybe on another day. I would have LOVED to have spent time with her and gotten to know her better; but I've never been given the opportunity. I've always wanted a sister. Now I have a sister that really seems to want nothing to do with me.

Okay, crying now, so I'm stopping. I hope y'all have a great day. Don't worry about me. I guess I'm not completely over this stuff yet like I thought I was. Sorry for the rant, that's just how it all came out and I refuse to go back and delete the whole post now. It's just part of who I am. Deal with it or don't. I'm used to people making those two decisions when it comes to me. My family chooses the "don't" H's family chooses the "do". The choice is yours, but this is me and I refuse to live my life any longer the way I think any other person expects me to.

Until later....


K

April Goals

My goals for this month are:

1. Lose 5 Pounds by April 29 (my weigh in date). This is equivalent to a little more than 1 pound a week.

2. Go to Curves 3x a week. I've GOT to do this. I'm paying for it and haven't even been there since Feb. 11. SHAME on me!!

3. The 4 days I don't go to Curves, I will get on my elliptical trainer for at least 200 steps.

I have been extremely lax the past two weeks. I've actually gained a pound each week for the past two weeks. I think I lost a bit of my motivation. I've been changing my eating habits and losing weight since August of last year. I think my body and brain just needed a bit of a break.

I am back on track today and posting my goals here will help make me more accountable. I hope! That's my plan anyway. I've also joined 2 challenges this month on SparkPeople.

The first challenge is with Fabulous, Fun, and Forty Something. For this challenge, I have to post each day in the challenge forum, and huddle each day. These are both done with a partner. If both people do these, our team gets 1 point. We also get 1 point for every pound we lose this month.

The second challenge is with W8W Friends. On this challenge, we get a point a day for the following:
tracking food
each activity point (up to 4 per day)
eating 5 fruits/veggies
getting in our Healthy Oil
2 milk servings per day

We get 2 points per day for drinking 8 glasses of water, 5 points per WEEK for blogging on our Spark People blog, and 3 points for commenting on a teammate or other spark member blog each day (max of 21 per week).

These should both keep me on track for this month.

So, what are your goals for the month of April? Until later...

TGIF!!!

WooHoo! It's Friday. Sorry I haven't been around lately. I've been catching up on my reading and haven't been online much once I get home from work.

Things are going well. No complaints except my allergies are killing me and I didn't have the time to get my allergy shots this week. I've got a headache, stuffed nose, itchy eyes, and I'm tired as hell all because of my allergies. At least I now know that three weeks is too long to go without getting my shots. They wanted me to try to go longer in between my shots. They want to get me to the point to where I am getting my shots just once a month. I'm obviously not quite there yet, but hopefully one day I will be.

H and I took Grandma out to dinner earlier this week. She's been in town for about a month now and will probably be here until May. We took her to Olive Garden and had a great time with her. We're going to pick her up tomorrow morning around 9. There's a Russell Stover outlet store about 30 minutes away that we're going to take her to. I asked her if she wanted to go out to breakfast with us and she said she's been craving Hardee's bisquits and gravy. So, guess where we're taking her for breakfast? Yep, McDonald's. HA! Kidding! We're going to Hardee's. We'll probably also take her to lunch after the candy store.

Hmmm. Healthier eating + Russell Stover = nothing good for me except weight gain (especially after adding in Hardee's and lunch). Good thing I love that old lady. I'd do anything for her and she knows it. She's been my rock my entire life. She's been the ONE person who has always believed in me and been on my side no matter what. I think I'm going to be lost when she passes away. Good thing she's in good health. I just can't imagine a time when she isn't in my life.

Tuesday, I will finally be getting a new phone. We can upgrade on Tuesday. I've been waiting months to get a new phone. I've been through two damn phones because the batteries aren't holding a charge. I inadvertently messed up the batteries becasue of my name tag for work. The name tag has a huge (and extremely strong) magnet. Sadly, it took two phones before I realized what was causing the problem. Now, I have a name tag in my glove compartment and a name tag in my desk at work.

I'm looking at Samsung's M520. Do any of you have this phone? Have you heard anything about this phone? What do you think?

Hope you all have a great weekend. I'll be more consistent in my blogging. I swear! Some day! Until later...