Happy Hump Day!!

Happy Hump Day, Y'all! Aren't you glad you stopped by? The answer here is YES! Damn it!

Anyway, things really haven't been bugging me much lately. Life is good. I have no complaints. I do however have something I noticed today - not that it's bugging me. It just shows how I rate with my sister-in-law (M - I think is how she's on my sidebar - it's been such a long time since I've been hurt by her, that I really couldn't tell ya - yeah, don't have that much interaction anymore). So, I visit her website almost every day to see if she's posted any new pictures of my brother, herself, or the niece and nephews. On her sidebar is a list of her friends and family that also have blogs. I'm not mentioned. I guess my blog isn't CC (Christian Correct) for her (as opposed to PC - politically correct). Anyway, just a small slight; but yet another reason I don't feel the love from that part of my family. I'm sure she knows that I visit the site. I do leave comments from time to time. I do scroll down on her page and look the whole site over.

If someone clicks on my name when I leave a comment, they're going to come here anyway. I guess she's come here once or twice - which was enough for her to know she doesn't want her true friends or her family coming here. Maybe that's it. Maybe she's only listing her family members (since I'm the only one in G's family that blogs). Who knows. I'm not upset. Maybe a little hurt. It's not like she's made a big effort to get to know me. I've given up calling except on G's birthday because I can't afford to be the only one to make phone calls. I didn't even get a phone call from G on my last birthday until Mom or Dad called him to remind him. Remember, they ALL forgot me on my birthday last year. Yeah, I'm not bitter. I have nothing to be hurt about. WHATEVER!

If I treated them half the way they treat me, they'd understand my hurt; but I don't, so they have no clue to how hurt they've made me over the years. Maybe I am a bit bitter and still letting all that crap hurt me. Maybe I need to just post all the crap in one place so I can let it go. I don't know. Honestly, I thought I let it all go until I started typing.

I was the only bridesmaid that didn't know anyone else in the party. She went out the night before the wedding with her bridal party (but I wasn't invited). Grant it, she had never met me before that day, so I do understand not being invited; but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. Yeah, that still hurts the most. I would have understood her at least telling me about it and saying that she didn't think I would enjoy it since it was her childhood friends. I would have understood. I probably would have told her she'd have more fun without me since we didn't know each other. I'm NOT about to push myself on someone who doesn't want me around or doesn't know me and it was the night before her wedding. I'm not stupid. I know she would have rather spent it with her friends than trying to make me feel comfortable. Neither one of us would have been comfortable. It's just the THOUGHT. The next day, she and her friends were telling inside jokes from the night before. Yeah, I felt really good that day, too; but it WASN'T my day. I GET that. It just would have been nice to have been given the niceties. Maybe she was afraid that I would accept an invitation to spend time with her and her friends. Um, maybe on another day. I would have LOVED to have spent time with her and gotten to know her better; but I've never been given the opportunity. I've always wanted a sister. Now I have a sister that really seems to want nothing to do with me.

Okay, crying now, so I'm stopping. I hope y'all have a great day. Don't worry about me. I guess I'm not completely over this stuff yet like I thought I was. Sorry for the rant, that's just how it all came out and I refuse to go back and delete the whole post now. It's just part of who I am. Deal with it or don't. I'm used to people making those two decisions when it comes to me. My family chooses the "don't" H's family chooses the "do". The choice is yours, but this is me and I refuse to live my life any longer the way I think any other person expects me to.

Until later....


K