Traci has written about her life and some of the things she has written not only stuck a chord with me, but it also sounded very familiar. The following paragraphs were the ones that sounded like the same things I had gone through.

“ ‘Ohmygawd, it’s not me. It’s THEM.’ For so long I’d been trying to figure out why I was nothing like my family and why things were the way they were with them. I felt guilty for being such a terrible daughter, wife, mother, niece, grandchild, cousin, christian, insert whatever word you want here, person. [this was EXACTLY how I felt]

...I talked alot about my thoughts and ideas and what it was like growing up. Some people might find it odd to know that whatever I told him (and what I believed) was not reality. [I talked to H about all this stuff instead of going to therapy. I needed to tell someone I trusted. Actually, I really needed to know that if I told the most important person in my life that he would still love me and not judge me after knowing everything about me] It was the story I’d held on to for as long as I could remember to maintain some kind of normalcy I guess. I remember for a very long time I was certain that my family was wonderful and that they’d be there in a heartbeat if I needed them for anything and that we were all so close it was amazing. As I look back to that time while writing this I am stunned at the difference between the reality and what I believed for so long.” [Like Traci, I no longer know for a fact that my family would drop everything to be by my side if I needed them. There are a few that I have no doubt would be there for me in an instant. This is reality, but I wanted to believe they all would be there for me no matter what]

Traci’s Motto is “I survived what it took to get me here and I will survive what it takes to get me out of here” [I relate to this. I have always said that I am the person I am because of what I have been through and how I have dealt with it all. Change one situation or one reaction and I would be a different person]

Back to Traci’s story – “The worksheets they give you about the signs of depression? Every single item on them applied to me. Good grief. I left the doctor’s office with a prescription for an antidepressant and tears just rolling down my face. What an eye opener that was. [This same thing happened to me. I was completely shocked. What’s worse is the fact that as I filled out the form, I knew that I was putting down the ‘wrong’ answers. I knew that even though my answers were honest, I knew those were not the answers that I was supposed to be putting down.]

I was exhausted. The process that would open the floodgates had begun. I was 28 years old.” [I was 29 or 30 when this happened to me.]

Although I hate the fact that someone else went through some of these same issues, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only person who has gone through this. That's the whole reason for this blog - so others will also know that they are not alone. I have been on and off depression/anxiety medications for the past 8 or so years. My prescriptions were always one of, if not, the lowest doses that can be given and they have always worked extremely well for me. They keep the depression at bay and keep me thinking straight.

Until later...