Thoughts while Driving home

OK, so today while I was driving home from work, I wondered what it would be like to swerve my car into oncoming traffic. Don't worry, I didn't do it and have never done it. I just think about it. I guess thinking about it is better than actually doing it. Anyway, after I had this thought, I realized that it's probably NOT a normal or healthy thought. Then I realized that I've had other thoughts like this as well. There is a street not far from us that I travel once in a great while and it has a very steep drop (no shoulder). I've often wondered how many times my car would turn over if I were to go off that edge. I even see it all playing out in my mind. I did this today with the oncoming traffic thought as well - saw it all played out in my head.

As you can imagine, about 7 or 8 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression due to a chemical imbalance. I went on medication for a while and was taken off of the medication slowly. Now I seem to only have those thoughts when I'm due for my period (I figured that out today on my drive home). That seems to be the only time my hormones and everything gets knocked out of whack and I start back on my dangerous thought patterns.

Before you get worried, I have NEVER acted on these thoughts and I do not plan on it. These thoughts just run through my mind occassionally. I realized today (right after having the thoughts actually) that these are not normal thoughts. That's a Great realization for me. I also realized that I now only get them around "that time of the month". At least now I know that these thoughts will pass. I used to think that there was nothing but these feelings. I used to not have anything but these types of thoughts.It's good to be partially "normal". Grant it, I still have these thoughts which aren't normal or healthy, but at least I know that they will pass and that I do want to live and not act on those thoughts.

Anyway...had those thoughts today and thought I would share to get them out of my head.