Going Through Crap...Will I Make it Out?

OK...well, I hinted that I've been going through some stuff this week. I can't quite figure it out. I've been out of work since Wednesday. I haven't been feeling well. I've been feverish, clammy, exhausted and get dizzy while at work. The problem is that not long after I'm home, I feel better except that I'm still worn out and exhausted. I have a doctor's appointment Monday to see if it's a physical thing. If it's not a physical thing, it has to be a stress/psychological thing. My husband thinks I'm lazy and don't want to work. I love the job I do. I enjoy the people I work with. I have goals to accomplish that this job will help me to achieve like paying off our bills in about 2 years (except our home and student loans). There are a few problems with the job...

1. I'm in a room by myself and the only time anyone else is in the office is when a customer comes in, someone's going in or out, or someone has something they want to give me to do.
2. This is such a small company that they do things that would be completely wrong in any other company. For example, we had a company lunch and they actually said a prayer over it. They asked me inappropriate questions during my two interviews (Was I married, Did I have any kids, Are you Baptist - this one because I went to a Baptist high school, and the owner asked me if I thought there would be Baptists in Heaven).
3. I think I'm uncomfortable to a degree in the workplace. Yes, I think there will be Baptists in Heaven, but I also think there will be people of all other religions in Heaven also.
4. They make it no secret that they are against gays, same sex marriage, and people living together before they are married.
5. I'm afraid to be myself...afraid I'm going to slip and say a curse word or say something completely inappropriate according to those I work with.

Maybe I just have a problem with the religion thing as a whole. I think I'm afraid that I'm not going to be accepted or that I'm going to be judged because my beliefs do not follow the beliefs of others. I need to find a way to get over this feeling of inadequacy or fear because my beliefs do not mirror those of others. I'm glad I'm not a sheep and that I have beliefs that are my own. So, why do I feel fear or inadequate? My happiness doesn't depend, shouldn't depend, on anyone else's thoughts or feelings of me.

I feel like I still have so much to work on. Growing up in church, I still feel like I am doing something wrong for having beliefs different than those I was taught. Are these the real reasons I haven't been feeling well at work? Is it all in my head and heart? Not in my body? I guess my appointment on Monday will show me just how much I need to work on. You know...I want people to accept me for my beliefs, shouldn't I accept others for theirs as well. I can listen to what they have to say without taking it to heart or feel that they are pushing their beliefs on me. Man, I need to remember this!!!

**HEY!! I've been blogging for a year. WooHoo!!** Man how times fly when you're having fun. Love you guys, you've helped me put a lot of things into perspective and helped me get a lot of things out that I needed to understand and put into perspective (like the above). Thanks.