Missed Opportunity

Well, Hubby and I went to my parent's house for the Memorial Day weekend. Hubby and I left Monday morning. Hubby and Dad had a talk Monday regarding religion, beliefs, and faith. It turns out that my dad feels the same way about those items as Hubby and I. He believes faith is a personal relationship with you and your maker. He also believes that organized religion and people in church follow the man (preacher, leader, whatever name he goes by) instead of trusting your own instincts and beliefs. He stated that as a boy, he questioned his faith and church. He said that the only reason we went to church while G and I were growing up was to instill the concept of faith in our lives. When Hubby told Dad that I felt the same way growing up and that I felt that I had no one to talk to or to discuss my feelings with, Dad seemed a little disappointed (not in me, but in himself) for never getting that point across to me and my brother. He was surprised that I believed the same way and also questioned my faith, beliefs, and church while growing up. Yet, I felt that I had no one to talk it all out with. I guess my family doesn't talk about the important things and I missed out on a great opportunity not only to talk out my frustration and questions with someone that has been there and would completely understand what I was going through, but also as an opportunity to get closer to my dad.

My family does not talk about important things at all. Growing up, I always felt like I was expected to live up to my parent's expectations. I tried my hardest to be the "perfect daughter" for them, but I always felt like I fell far short of their mark. Now, I find out that my dad would have understood everything I was going through if only I felt comfortable enough to open up and talk to him about what was going on in my head. Instead of talking to them, I was afraid that they would judge me or not love me as much if they knew that I doubted everything I was learning in church. What a waste of time! I would have had a much better childhood if only I felt comfortable enough to open up and tell my dad what I was going through. You live and learn. Now I know that I can talk to my dad about other things and maybe our relationship will get better and we will get closer now that I know he will understand.