Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's Been a While

Okay, time has just slipped by unnoticed. I guess I just needed to take some time, chill, take stock, and realize what's most important to me. I've been keeping myself busy reading and recently watching the Olympics.

I've come to realize the following things:
1) Reading is definitely the one thing that keeps me sane and relaxed no matter what's going on.
2) I've learned all I can from the family I was born to and it's time for me to move on and stop living to meet their expectations and demands. I need to live up to my own. I know I've said this before, but it seems that I mean it now and I'm ready to actually live up to this.
3) The family I've chosen is becoming MUCH more important to me than the family I was born to. AND I seem more important to them than to the family I was born to.
4) My grandma will ALWAYS be my rock. She always has been. Growing up, she was the ONE person I knew loved me unconditionally. She was always there for me. She was always on my side.
5) I've realized that both of my parents are extremely selfish. They don't care about anyone but themselves. They're under the impression that everyone else needs to bend over backwards to meet their needs and fit into their schedule.
6) It's NOT up to me to keep my family together or close. I'm the child in this scenario. It's the parent's job to make sure everything runs smoothly and stays close or at least help keep it all together. Not mine! It's way too much in this family for me to do alone.
7) I'm done!

I've been hurt enough and I don't have to put up with it. The saddest part is that I'm still hurt by all of it. So much so that I could rattle off the things they've done to hurt me or show me that I'm not as important to them as G. That's sad and PATHETIC! I really need to figure out how to let it all go.

I've decided that I'm not going to be the one that is ALWAYS calling. I'm going to back off and let them call. See how long it takes them to call me. I started this last Friday. Mom called Sunday saying that she missed talking to me every day. That's right. I called her every day. What's worse, I called her more than once each day.

This past weekend also proved to me that Mom can have a good birthday without me having to be there. We were going to go up there, but with everything going on; with the way she's treating Grandma (which is the way she treats me), I decided that I was going to take care of me and do what was best for me - which was to stay home and not give in to my mom's selfish ways and demands.

I told her on Friday that I was no longer going to be calling her while I'm driving. That was usually when I would call and talk to her. Always! She doesn't like it when I talk to her on the phone while I'm driving, so it gave me the perfect reason to stop calling all the time. I also told her Friday that I took her phone number out of my speed dial so I wouldn't call automatically when I get behind the wheel. That's always what I did. It was just automatic. When we talked on Sunday, she said she had a really good birthday.

That's the last time I talked to her.

I've decided to do a 100 push-up challenge. It's a six-week program that will have you doing 100 push-ups by the end of the program. If you'd like to know about the 100 push-up challenge I've started, check out my other blog here

I've been doing a LOT of reading lately. I'm actually in the middle of 4 books right now and I just finished one yesterday.

I'm currently reading the following:
The Meditteranean Diet - This is all about the science behind eating like the Meditteranean countries. Very interesting and eye opening. I really need to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet.
sTORI TELLING - This book is amazing. I'm really surprised at all the things that have been said in the tabloids and actually finding out the truth behind them. I have to say, though, that the problems I have with my mom are not quite as bad as those Tori has wtih hers. In some regards, they are extremely close, thought. My family, like Tori's, is all about the non-confrontation and not talking about our feelings or anything else of importance.
Labyrinth - I'm about halfway through this book. Incredibly interesting. It goes back and forth between the present and the past. I haven't figured it all out yet, but the girl's name in the past is Alayce while the girl in the present is named Alice. Alice has dreams about Alayce. In these dreams, it's as though she is Alayce. Very good read. Three Secrets, Two Women, One Grail. I'm looking forward to getting back into this book.
The Historian - this book is written in the first person. It really draws you in. It's about a girl who is on a quest, reaching through the past five centuries, for the historical Vlad the Impaler. Very interesting read.

I've really been sucked into autobiographies of stars lately.

I've just finished All the Days of My Life (So Far) - if you like Days of Our Lives or if you just wonder what the life of a soap star is like, this is a great book. I read it in 3 days.

I've also started Terri Hatcher's book. I actually started this a while ago, put it down, got involved in school and work, and haven't picked it back up again. I really need to rectify that. The book was very interesting up to the point that I put it down.

I'll probably finish the Terri Hatcher book before the rest on the list above. After the Tori Spelling book that I'm reading right now. She's really got me hooked. That's what I get for listening to a co-worker that her show is great and shows her as a "real" person. She was right. I've watched all the damn episodes since then and now can't put down her book.

I also have Wynonna Judd's book. I'll proably read this one after I finish Terri Hatcher's. I've really been wanting to read them. I really haven't been in the mood to read romance novels lately. I guess I've just read so many of them, that I needed a break. I also like to learn new things and felt I have been stifling myself by sticking to just one genre of reading especially when I really like to read about a LOT of different subjects.

Oh, I almost forgot. I bought a digital camera online. I LOVE it! It's a Casio EXILIM . I love this camera. Wait, I already said that. I wanted a cameral small enough to fit in my purse or pocket. It seems that whenever I found something I wanted to take a picture of, I didn't have my camera with me. Our other camera is bigger, bulkier, and heavier. This camera is perfect for me and for what I want to do with it. I've been taking pictures like crazy! I've deleted about half of them, but that's okay, too. I've gotten some REALLY good shots (for me).

I need to figure out how to download them and post them to my blog so you can see them. I think I've been visiting TysGirl's blog too long. She got me thinking that I should take pictures of what I love. Mine are no where near the quality of hers (and no, I'm not just being modest). My camera can't even do half the things hers can do. Actually, I don't know what it can do. I read the booklet, but only half of it even made sense to me. I don't need to take gorgeous shots. As long as they mean something to me. That's all that really matters.

I hope y'all are doing great! Have a great remainder of the week. Happy Hump Day!!! Until later...


Nevis said...

Did you read the Twilight series??

Kari said...

I have not read the Twilight series. Is it good?

Anonymous said...

good for you for cutting back how much time you spend/talk to your mom and parents..i had to do that a year ago, for my own sanity.

i love my parents very much but it got to the point where i was at their house every day and always going to them with my problems instead of trying to figure them out on my own first...i feel so much better now and so is my relationship with them.

tysgirl said...

Keep in mind, you only ever see the best of the best of what I shoot. For every great picture, I shoot a hundred duds. And you're absolutely right, as long as the images make you happy...that is all that matters.

trudi said...

Thanks for the suggestions. I have been on a reading kick and will eventually run out of things to read. Typically I do not do memoirs (especially since I just finished Running with Scissors - did not like it) but the ones you have suggestion sound really interesting.

Have to say I am impressed that you can read multiple books at once. If I were to try that I would eventually give up on them all. Ha!

imbeingheldhostage said...

READ THE TWILIGHT saga--trust me on this.
Apparently I didn't comment when I came here yesterday. I'll blame a stinky little Miss Ky for that. I do hope these family troubles will blow over (and away) from you so that you can have peace. I'm pulling for you!